Love is a tragedy If it is written, it is going to happen
by metropoli69
Summary: Lily Evans is about to start her last year at Hogwarts, she doesn't want to fall in love with him but you cannot fight what was written from the beginning. My story is about how Lily accepted her feelings for James and how their epic love story ended ip in a tragedy. I do not own Harry Potter, JK Rowling owns it and I am really glad she created this magical world.
1. Summer's thoughts

English is not my first language so I am really sorry for the mistakes that you might find. I have my beta for most of the chapters. There are already many stories about Lily and James but I hope that you will enjoy and like this one. I have already more than 20 chapters written and the final one written aswell.

hope you will like it.

...

August 1977

A deep blue sky, a hot summer breeze and the glitter pattern of sunlight on a wind-ruffled sea, it was one of those warm summer days of August.

The window was opened, the young woman was enjoying the feeling of the breeze ruffling her long hair and skin. She bit her lips, the sea air was giving them a salted taste that she liked.

She closed her eyes and tried to forget about everything.

...

She had been spending the all summer thinking about those two _things_, they were not linked but somehow in her head it was as if they were because both awoken the same fears.

She was trying to forget that in two weeks she would be there, her last year as a student and she would have to, to. No, that was still too complicated and confused in her head to get a clear thought about IT. She was afraid to think about what IT meant.

She was also trying to do not think about the darkness, about the rumors of war, trying to avoid the fears that she could feel and read in people's eyes.

People could not give up, they could not abandon without fighting. She was one of those persons ready to fight for what she thought was right.

People had to remember that the respect of people's differences was the clue to a better world, your skin color, your social background or the blood in your veins were not making you a better person. Unfortunately, it looked like many decided to believe the contrary and they were ready to do everything even to kill innocent people just to demonstrate that they were right.

She could not understand how they ended up in such a terrifying situation, it was making her shaking.

Lost in her thoughts, her fingers with her blue painted nails, an idea of her best friend, grabbed the curtains rubbing them with her thumbs. The contact of the delicate silk on her skin was pleasant, comforting.

...

She was so lost in her own thoughts that she was barely listening to the voice of her best friend, who was talking to her.

In her defense, she knew that it was nothing important, she knew that her friend was probably just asking which lipstick she should wear or if she should go for the mini skirt or the mini short.

She sighed and tried to forget about everything, again but she was hopeless, there was just too much going on in her head.

When her best friend called her and invited her to spend 10 days in the south of France, she did not think twice as she believed that she would finally be able to think about something else but she was wrong.

Deep down she knew what her problem was, she was scared. She was feeling lonely, anxious and guilty. Something could happen to her sister and her mother because of _what_ she was and she could not deal with this idea, she did not know how to protect them, how to keep them safe.

She was strong and she was ready to fight but she was afraid to loose all the people that she loved. She was scared to be forced to live a life without any type of love or to die before to have experienced other aspects of the definition of love, like being in love.

She sighed again, love, what was love. She could not tell, not really. She was seventeen but she did not have really experienced anything yet in this field.

The constant refrain of her best friend was resounding in her head.

_Why is someone like you who is so kind, so emotional, so intelligent so afraid of love. I know what you've lost and I know that you've been hurt but love might be all we have to save us. Love will conquer all, maudlin, I know but it could be the title of a love song and one day it will. Lil, love and live because we might die soon and once we will be gone it will be too late to have regrets._

_..._

She opened her eyes, briefly looked at the sea before to turn over. She looked at her best friend and smiled, her best friend was so inspiring.

In silence, she observed her friend and thought that may be her friend was right and the all point of the story was to live as if everything was fine, as if the hardest thing was actually to decide if red was matching green eyes better than dark pink. Live just live...

Suddenly, a pillow hit her, she did not even see it coming. A bit surprised, she looked into her best friend's eyes. Her best friend was stanting in front of her, a confused expression on her beautiful face. The young witch with her wavy blonde hair floating on her shoulders looked like a princess.

She frowned, she was looking for the piercing green eyes of Lily.

« So what do you think. » asked the beautiful blonde

Lily blushed, she had no idea what her friend was talking about.

«Think about what exactly. »

« How come about what. » sighed the blondie as a sign of exasperation

« I did not really understand the question. » lied Lily

This sentence made her friend smile.

« Lil, are you even listening and please don't pretend that you were, I know you and I could see your eyes closed through the glass of the window. »

Confused, Lily turned crimson and looked at the clothes on her friend's bed.

« The red dress is cute. » she said as it was pretty obvious that the question was about the clothes

« Lil, this is not what I was asking you. »

_Or may be not, Lily thought _

« I was asking you if you think that we should avoid or go to the party since you know _who_ might be coming. I don't think he will because he has been teasing me all summer but who knows. What if this time he is there, at the party, tonight. What should I do or say because I am really lost here but as far as I can see you are having deepest thoughts than I could ever have. »

She made a pause, she did not like the worried expression on Lily's face.

« What's going on Lily, I thought that we were having fun. »

She knew that Lily was hidding something and she was pretty sure that it had nothing to do with the dark times that they were living in. She was dying of waiting but apparently Lily was not ready to talk about IT and only Merlin knew when she would be...

She invited Lily to spend 10 days in France because she believed that it would help Lily but the expression on her favorite ginger head was making her doubt.

Lily replied that she was having _fun_ but a part of her could not forget that the holidays were coming to an end and that in few days they would be on the train, on their way back to school. She said that she was scared because everything looked so bad and it was getting worst day after day.

She insisted on the fact that it was becoming really hard to know who to trust.

« That's all. » asked her friend suspicious while she was brushing her long blonde hair

Lily nodded and smiled because _any_ _word_ would be a lie. There was something else, something that hadn't been leaving her since _THAT_ day but she was not ready to talk to Marlene about it, not yet.

She did mention something but not everything, she had to clarify her thoughts first.

Marlene was not stupid, something had been bothering Lily since the beginning of the holidays, no actually it was even before the holidays. It started about 2 weeks before the holidays and even if Marlene did not know what happened, she knew that it was something very strong as it had been in Lily's head, confusing her thoughts and so much more since then.

But unfortunately as Lily was not ready to speak about it, Marlene could not really be helpful.

And since the conversation was not going to end up anywhere she decided to jump onto the next subject.

« If you say so Lil. Now focus, I will wear the red dress and what are you planning to wear because I've heard that this blonde guy Victor has a crush on you so may be and I am just saying may be you should have some fun tonight because since S pronounced the word and James stopped asking you out at the end of our 5th year, I swear that I haven't seen you in contact with the other gender unless it was totally unavoidable or during classes, for more than a year and no Remus doesn't count.»

Lily rolled her eyes

« Trying to play with Cupid's arrow again Marlene. »

« Well don't you think that it is time for you to forget about S and unless I am wrong, you weren't even dating so move on. »

Lily knew that she should not reply, she knew Marlene too well and she knew where this conversation was going to end so she bit her lips but it was too late, the words were already out...


	2. The J word

Here is chapter 2

golnaz and jmash and monica guest thanks for being.

thanks for the reading, hopefully you will like this chapter

...

Lily stepped back, she crossed her arms on her chest before to sit on her bed.

She took one of the pink pillows and played with lost threads on the seams.

« Severus and I were friends, he was my best friend nothing else. » sighed Lily

She knew where this conversation was going to end, they already had that talk _too_ many times. She wished that she could keep her calm but she knew how it was to going to end, _nowhere..._

She was nervous, she could already feel how dry was her throat. She wanted to let that _day_ in the past but Marlene never really let her do it.

...

Marlene raised up her hands and laughed, the look on Lily's face was so priceless. She made few steps ahead, sat next to Lily, on the bed, and took Lily's hands.

« I know and I know that it hurt you, so much, but Lily since that day you have changed, like if you don't want to feel anything. »

Lily interrupted Marlene, insisting on how ridiculous this idea was.

Marlene frowned and decided to change her tactics.

« Ok sorry Lily. Look, I won't bring the pumpkin on the table _ever_ _again_, I swear, I won't but before I need to ask you something. »

« Go ahead. » asked a surprised Lily, _maybe_ Marlene would finally give up, after a year it was about time...

_Better too late than never, Lily thought._

« I believe you when you say that Snape was just your best friend. »

Lily, perplexed, interrupted Marlene, again.

« So why did you bring that on the table constantly since it happened. »

As Marlene read confusion and a hint of anger in Lily's eyes, she smiled, today she would get the answer _or not._ Marlene had never cared about Severus, she hated him so much but she cared about someone else and her best friend's feelings for that person.

It was time for her to finally ask something that had been in her head since that day.

_Forget about Snappy, ask Lily what you really want, thought Marlene_

« So my question is, and sorry for bringing the J word, but are you sure that you have no feelings for well the J word. I mean, why did you get so mad that day. James was just being well James and yes the way he asked you out this time was totally badass but. »

« Marlene stop, please. I told you already, I hate him, he is the worst of the worst and that day he deserved the line because he was just not asking me out, he was playing with Severus as if Severus was a _marionette_, it was an _ambush_. He humiliated Severus in front of everybody. How on earth did he think that I would say yes. » snapped Lily

She had seen this scene in her head so many times and she still did not know what hurt the most, the ambush, James' attitude or the word that came out of Severus' mouth.

« Well he tried everything else, not that I approve what he did but he was desperate. For Merlin's sake Lily, James, the most popular guy, the quidditch captain, the Marauders' leader and one of the hottest guy has been fancing you since day one and you always turned him down for what go playing Potions' master chief with Snappy. »

Marlene looked for Lily's green eyes before to continue, she just wanted to be sure that Lily was not going to stupefy her.

_It looks fine, she thought_

«Lil, girls would join you know who just to have a date with the J word. I understand your answer of that day but not why you did not say yes _before_, at least once. I mean like if he did not ask you out multiple times. It would not have killed you to try.»

« Which part of I hate him don't you get. He deserved the answer that I gave him. And I correct your sentence he had been fancing me, at least that day he understood that my answer would _never_ be a yes. » Lily shouted angrily

Red cheeks, arms crossed on her chest and the J word resounding in her ears, Lily felt that she was going to explode.

Over the last year, it felt that her friends did not believe her when she was saying how much she hated him.

_Could they just stopped speaking about him, James Potter. Could Marlene just give up. I am glad that he is not chasing me anymore, I really am_

« Whatever Lil, I still don't believe that you hate him that much. I know you, you are my best friend and correct me if I am wrong but in all those Muggle romantic comedies that you love, doesn't the story always start like this, the girl hates the boy, the boy loves the girl, ect but she finally admits that she loves the boy and they end up living happily ever after. »

_Damn you Marlene, I hate him, I do, I do, I do, she wanted to say it but she did not want to fight_

« Why do you keep insisting Marlene, why on earth do you. » murmured Lily

« Because you keep saying that you hate him because he is arrogant, a jerk, selfish, blabla but Lily we are 17 years old now, you just don't hate someone that much just because of those old _details_. James has changed, he is no longer that immature 15 years old bully. And give a break to that poor pillow he hasn't done anything to you»

« They aren't details for me. »

_At least that line is 100% honest, Marlene thought_

« Ok, I am done but Lily, we both know that deep down you don't hate him, you want to hate him because it is so much easier than loving him. I think you like him but you are afraid of him, afraid of feeling something for him so you keep telling yourself that you do hate him. »

_Unbelievable, thought Lily but she let Marlene finish_

« We both know that the fact that he _seems _to be over you is still bothering you. You never asked for anything about him but your _eyes_ were always looking for him. I saw how you were looking at him, how you were mentally preparing yourself to tell him to get lost and how disappointed you looked when you realized that he was not going to talk to you. » smirked Marlene

Lily did not reply, her brain full of images. She just could not reply because she did not know what to say. Was it really bothering her, was it, she had been asking herself this question for _months_.

_No, it was, is, not bothering me. It was just weird to do not have him around that much, not talking to him everyday. I was so used to deal with him, I just needed time to get used to the new formula and I certainly do not like him. Lily thought._

Marlene rolled her eyes and sighed which makes Lily wondered if Marlene read her thoughts.

_Marlene would not use legilimency, plus this spell is kind of illegal right now._

« Well at least today, you did not yell at me so I think that we progressed. Lily, I am in love with Sirius Black, he drives me crazy but I still love him. It is ok to have feelings for the J word, 99% of the girls at school do. »

_Well maybe that's the point, maybe that's why Lily doesn't want to admit it, Marlene thought_

« I don't love him Marlene. Thanks Merlin you said that the _focus point_ was going to be what to wear tonight. » she said looking for a way to escape as she felt that they were playing the ping pong game of the year.

They both laughed and prepared themselves for the beach party. They were leaving on the following evening so Marlene made Lily promised that she would have fun.

Lily promised and then asked Marlene about the last letter that she got from Sirius.

...

Since the beginning of the holidays, he had been sending her letter every week, promising that he would pay her a visit on the following week, then he was sending a letter apologizing, sending another one with a promise...

« So this week was the I am going to come to France, I promise I am going to come to see you before school starts letter. I wish it could be true but I've been waiting all summer, I am not going to wait for him tonight. He is probably in a bar drinking and smoking, Merlin knows where, with the J word of course, speaking about the girls that they are going to, you know. » the lamp in her throat made her stop.

« I am sorry Marlene. » murmured Lily who knew how hard this situation was for her best friend, Marlene was so in love with Sirius.

« Those two devilish pranksters, they are for sure enjoying their summer. »

Lily again said that she was sorry.

...

Lily pictured the scene that Marlene had just described, she could see them, him surrounded by girls. Yes for sure James Potter fancied her, yeah that was why he did sleep with almost all the ex 7th year, the new 7th year, the new 6th year, some of the new 5th year, mostly from their house and, of course, with an uncountable amount of summer flings. And people really expected her to give him a chance, _no way. _

She was going to be one of the few girls from their house that was not going to loose her V card with James Potter. She promised herself, after she accepted to be his partner in potion during the last term of their 3rd year that she would never be a bet, ever again.

Everything always had a double meaning with James Potter, this was the reason why she would never trust him even when he said those words 8 weeks ago.

...

Lily shocked her head, focusing on Marlene's speech.

« Don't be sorry because you and I my friends are going to play as James and Sirius tonight. Well, I am going to play and you will be _you_ but I am going to drink, dance and dance intimately with Martin Dupont. Don't worry, I will go to his tent, my parents still don't know that the virginity's guardian spell had been broken the night of my 16th birthday and I have enough drama in my life and I also don't think that you could sleep so» joked Marlene

« I appreciate your thoughtful gesture Marlene, I do need to sleep. »

Lily blushed and looked down, she was not that comfortable when it came to speak about sex.

...

About 30 minutes later, they were ready.

They looked at themselves in the mirror, Marlene complained again as Lily did not accept to wear a mini skirt or a mini top. But Lily was just not feeling comfortable in a mini _something_.

...

As they arrived at the beach, they heard a noise that they both knew very well. They heard it even if the music was extremely loud.

« Lil please tell me that it is just the wind. » Marlene whispered


	3. You should stop smoking

Here is chapter 3.

I hope you are going to enjoy it. sorry for all the possible mistakes

...

Marlene and Lily looked at each other, their feet were rubbing the sand. Lily was trying to comfort Marlene. Maybe it was not what they had been thinking, it could have been the motorbike of someone else.

Marlene was looking around, staring at everybody.

_This bastard could have drunk polyjuice just to fool me._

She shared her thoughts with Lily and Lily kindly reminded her that it did not make any sense.

Lily knew that their relationship was complicated because of the easy cheating side of both but she did not get why Marlene had sent him their location if she knew how upset she would be if he decided to show up.

« If he was here, he would not be hidding, he wrote you that he would come, maybe he really meant it this time. I am not seeing him around and I am confused, I thought that this is what you wanted. » said Lily calmly

« I do, I want to see him Lil but I don't want him to know that I've missed him, I don't want him to know that I have been pining all summer. You think that James has a big ego, well Sirius' is bigger. »

« Well, I don't see Sirius but I can see Martin, go, I will get myself a drink, go Marlene. » encouraged Lily

Marlene finally smiled.

Lily sighed, she was relieved too, because Sirius meant James and she did not want to see James Potter, she was not ready yet.

« Ok but I can see Victor too, you sure you. » started Marlene playfully before to be interrupted by her best friend.

« No thanks Marlene. » said Lily rolling her eyes

_Merlin, she never gives up, Lily thought_

« He would not be that bad for a first kiss. » insisted Marlene

But Lily was already walking away

_First kiss, yeah if she knew what had happened 2 months ago she would not say that, Lily thought _

...

Lily looked back and saw that her friend was already dancing with Martin. She smiled happy for her friend. Marlene and Sirius' love story was not her idea of a healthy relationship but as long as Marlene was happy she was happy.

She sighed as she was walking towards the bar.

...

The waiter was a short guy, with an odd haircut, and definitely too young to serve alcohol but that was not Lily's problem even if she wanted to ask the teenage boy if this was legal.

She bit her lips, changed her mind and asked for a coca cola. As she was looking for the money into her purse, she smelled a familiar scent. Then she heard a familiar voice saying her last name, automatically she froze. She did not know if she was dreaming , _nightmare of course, _or not as the scene was very familiar to her, too familiar.

« Evans, at a beach party, going wild during summer or not. » said the familiar voice with a hint of sarcasm

She raised her gaze and here he was, right next to her.

He asked for a coca cola too and paid both drinks before she could do or say anything.

She was stupefied, she could not move or even talk.

They were not at school, she was not in her safe environment and she did not know how to react. His deep blue eyes, his dark messy hair and his perfect smile, she could not see anything else. She had not seen him for weeks and it had never occurred to her that she would actually see him before the first of September 1977.

What was she supposed to do, she could not run away, the idea was tempting though...

« Cat got your tongue Evans. Your hair up like this looks nice. » the sarcasm in his voice was gone

He did not really know what else to say, her reaction had been so odd. He had expected her to be mad at him, to yell at him but certainly not this reaction. Her green eyes were observing him and for his surprise not a single hint of anger were in them.

_Lily speaks, come on do it, you can face him now, she thought trying to encourage herself _

« What are you doing here. » came out of her mouth before she could realize it.

Her cheeks were red but it was dark, James could not noticed

_Yes, sure, keep dreaming, she thought_

James laughed and pointed at, with his index, Sirius and Marlene who were dancing together, adding some _funny_ comments about those two because he was James Potter.

Lily did not know if she should smile, she wanted to, James' laugh was so fresh and natural and she did find his comments funny.

« He was missing her a lot, so we took a break from our _duties_ and decided to stop here. » confessed James who was oddly serious

« Your duties, you are working during the holidays. » she asked surprised since she knew that James was well _more_ than rich and Sirius had gotten a lot of money from his uncle.

James explained her that Dumbledore had asked him and Sirius to pay a visit to many students, students who could become death eaters, at least that was what Dumbledore did believe.

When Lily asked why, James looked into her eyes and smiled.

« Because Dumbledore thinks that we are popular and respected and since we've decided to stay on the right side of the road, he believes that maybe we could help some students to change their minds. » James said without a hint arrogance which again surprised Lily

James Potter not trying to strew roses at his own feet was not something that she had seen often over the last 6 years.

...

Lily did not break the eyes contact. It was very noble and Dumbledore was right, James and Sirius were very popular. She wanted to know if it was working, she could tell that James was persistent.

« I am not sure Lily. » he said dubiously

She was starring at him, it was strange to listen doubt in his voice.

_And did he just call me Lily_

« I think that we had saved some but many were already lost and for those in between, I hope that our words will make them think twice before to cross the line. Voldemort is building an army you know, it is getting worst day after day. So many are giving up but Sirius and I won't, we still have 15 students to meet, I hope that we will convince them to fight with us.»

Lily was listening, this was probably the first time in her life that she was really paying attention toone of his speech.

Suddenly Lily realized that _this_ meant that Dumbledore had sent James and Sirius to the field and it scared her. Voldemort could be after them. Dumbledore had involved James and Sirius into something very dangerous.

She wondered what was wrong with Dumbledore to send to the first line two 17 years old young men, just because they were popular at school, instead of trying to convince all those students by himself.

And as if James could read her mind he added.

« He did not force us, he asked, we said yes. »

She frowned and asked him

« And what about Remus and Peter. »

« Remus came few times but Moony has to deal with his own problems and Peter had been around helping aswell. We aren't scared Evans.» he said seriously

« I am but I want to fight aswell» she confessed

She was scared for her mother and sister but not for her, she was ready to fight too. James smiled again.

« Of course you are ready to fight Evans. Speaking of fight. I am sorry, I really am. I was drunk, tired and you looked more beautiful than ever that night» he said more serious than ever

« I don't want to talk about it. » she mumbled

« Lily, please forgive me. I swear that I would never ever hurt you again. But I meant what I said and I know that it doesn't justify. »

She interrupted him

« Stop, please stop. I don't want you to apologize again, you already did. And I am the one who should be apologizing. I should not have slapped you, I should not have pushed you as I did or pronounced any of the words that came out of my mouth that night. I did not mean any of them, I was angry, sad and frustrated, I left the room because I wanted to be alone to let my anger go but you followed me and. »

It was his time to interrupt her

« And I paid the price I got it but still, I am sorry, I should not have done anything. But you had been in my head for so long and you did not stop me in the first place, I believed that the moment was finally right. » he said sadly

He wondered if she would slap him again but, instead, she astounded him

« We should let this in the past. I am sorry too and I know that you are sorry. »

He frowned and replied

« So you got my letter. »

She blushed and she nodded nervously

_But I did not open it, maybe I should, she thought _

_..._

The expression on James' face was stirring her. She wondered what was in that letter, maybe she should open it after all. He had said that he did mean what he had written. Should she believe him. She did not know what to think anymore.

James did not know what to think of her silence after he had mentioned his letter. He observed Lily finishing her glass of coca cola, she was not looking at him, she was looking down, avoiding his gaze.

He looked for a cigarette and his lighter in his pockets. One hand in his hair, cigarette in his mouth he lit it and as the smoke came out of his mouth, he felt Lily's eyes, she was looking at him.

He stared at her, confused since he could not read her face. He frowned and he saw her swallow

« You should not smoke that much. »

He laughed and asked why.

He had taken her by surprise, she did not know what to say, she did not even know why she had said it in the first place. It had come out of her mouth just like that

« Because it is bad for your health. » she said oddly

His laughed increased which annoyed her

« What's so funny. » she snapped

« Oh please Evans come on, since _when_ do you care about my health. You would push me from the astronomy tower if you could, my feet in a rock. So if you want me to ever stop smoking you must find a better line. »

It bothered her to listen such thing, no she would never push him from the astronomy tower, she did not want to hurt him, she was already feeling bad enough about that slap.

...

She wondered if she could make him quit.

She took a deep breath before to speak very seriously.

« Because I am asking you to. »

She did not know from where it had come. She had sound like him, arrogant and _too_ confident.

She was playing his game because she had to make James Potter understand that she was not mad at him, that she did not want to kill him. She did not know how to express it so teasing seemed to be the best option.

Dazed, he smiled, looked at her and he took the cigarette out of his mouth.

Lily watched him put his cigarette out, how he crushed it on the table and finally threw the butt in one of the lost glasses.

« Ok » he finally said shamelessly with a smirk on his face

_Lily you are playing with fire, run. What the hell did happen to you, James Potter can smoke, you don't care about this, you don't, she thought_

« I have to go, I am really tired. I came because Marlene asked me to, I respected my part of the contract so now I can leave. See you at school Potter. » she said rashly

And she left, walking fast so he would not follow her

_As if it stopped him last time, she thought _

She heard a see you at school Evans. She almost stopped, apparently he was not going to follow her tonight. . She took a deep breath before to start to walk faster.

...

While she was running to the apartment, she had started to cry. It had been too intense for her.

She had not been ready to see him, she had lost control of her emotions and she had been acting like an idiot and this was James' role, not hers.

...

She closed the door of the room and looked for James' letter, letter that she had put into her suitcase.

She was staring at the envelope that was in her hands, she had two weeks to get over _last june's epic moment _


	4. And he kissed me

Here is chapter 4. hope you will like it

lilprongsie and elmo333 thanks for joining the story :)))

By the way, as many I think that Aaron Taylor Johnson would be a great James so James does have blue eyes on this fic.

xx

...

Lily observed the letter for five long minutes before to throw it on her bed. Once more, she had not opened it.

...

When she had received that letter at the beginning of the holidays, on the second week of July, she had been surprised when she had noticed who had sent it.

**From James Potter, open it please, I put my heart in that letter.**

The word _heart _had disconcerted her, she had blinked few times before to put the letter into one of the drawers of her nightstand. She had locked the drawer and tried to forget that she had ever received the letter.

However, no matter how hard she had tried to forget, she had not manage to do it.

She had, kind of, left school with the images, of her _last_ _encounter_ with him.

She was feeling so bad, he did not deserve to be treated like that but she was mad and sad and he had got the blame for everything that had been bothering her that day.

The feeling of guilt had been increasing since she had got the letter.

At that point she was not even sure that it was guilt...

...

Two months had passed but she was still trapped in that memory. She knew that she should open his letter but she was already so confused. She could not explain what she was feeling and she knew that the letter would only make it worst. She still hated him and still thought that he was a prat but there was something else, something that she could not explain yet.

And when she had seen him tonight, she had realized something and her frustration had come back.

_You need help Lily, he is the devil with the face of an angel. Don't believe him, don't fall for him, she thought _

That was what she had been telling herself for a very long time now...

She adjusted the blanket, turned off the light and picked up the letter, staring at it in the darkness of the room. Marlene was right, James had changed but did it mean that she should try to know him better. She could not deny that she was interesting in him, he was very intriguing. He was the biggest toerag that she had ever met in her life but over the last months, she had seen another facet of his personality.

James Potter had his own insecurities, James Potter was ready to die fighting against Voldemort and his army, James Potter was an insensitive prankster but he was at the same time the person who had a very clear idea of what was wrong and what was right and this was piquing Lily's curiosity.

...

When Marlene came back it was almost 2am, Lily was sleeping. Marlene got closer to Lily's bed, she wanted to wake up Lily and chat for a while.

She sighed and finally decided to let Lily sleep. She needed some sleep aswell anyway. She had started to unbutton her shirt when she noticed that Lily was holding something against her stomach.

Carefully, Marlene took it and a light scream of surprise got out of her mouth.

She froze, holding her breath. She did wait few seconds before to move. She did not want to wake up Lily anymore.

She sat on her own bed and looked at the envelope. It had been opened before however it seemed that the piece of paper had never got out of the envelope.

She hesitated for a while, Lily was her best friend, she could not do that to her best friend. She had no secret for Lily and she would not mind if Lily read one of Sirius' letter but Lily was not like her, she was more reserved and it was not easy for Lily to have faith in people.

She bit her lip and finally she reached her wand that was under her pillow.

Lumos, she murmured

_Marlene, you can't, it is bad, if Lily ever finds out, oh bloody hell she won't find out, Marlene thought _

...

At 6:04am Marlene's mother went upstairs to wake up the girls. She explained them that they had to leave. She briefly explained that something had happened at the Ministry of Magic, a fight and 5 deaths. Marlene's father was working at the department of mysteries, he was an unspeakable and this was where the fight had started and he had to go back to London.

Marlene's mother gave the girls an hour to get ready.

She closed the door letting the two 17 years old young women astounded.

...

Marlene and Lily packed in silence, both of them lost in deep thoughts. Marlene went to the bathroom first and took a quick shower.

She looked at herself in the mirror as if her reflection was going to tell her what to do. She did not care that much about the fight at the department of mysteries, it was not something new or unexpected, there was a war coming so she had not been surprised when her mother had told them what had happened, _old news._

However, she did not know what to do about what she had been reading, should she tell Lily, she did not know but what was bothering her the most was the secret that Lily had been hidding from her all summer.

...

When Lily got out of the bathroom Marlene looked at the clock 6:30am, they still had 34 minutes ahead. Marlene was still strangely quiet, observing her best friend in a complete silence.

« Marlene, are you ok. » asked Lily worriedly

Marlene nodded, unable to speak. Lily frowned

« Then why are you staring at me like that. » she said nervously

Marlene said that she was not _staring_ at her. She said that she was lost in her thoughts and it was not totally a _lie_. As Lily did not look satisfied with this answer, Marlene confessed that she was scared for Sirius and James.

And she really was but in that moment she just wanted to know how Lily was going to react. She knew that James had told Lily about his and Sirius' mission and maybe talking about it would help Lily to reveal her little secret.

Lily frowned and observed her friend with a suspicious look. Marlene _knew_, of course she knew. Lily felt so offended.

« You knew and you did not tell me. Why. » said Lily with a hint of anger in her voice

Marlene was pretty sure that they were both speaking about James and Sirius' _summer_ _job and not Lily' secret. _

More than happy with Lily's reaction, Marlene pushed a bit further.

« Why should have I told you. You and Sirius aren't well let's say best friend and don't you hate James, plus they were not supposed to tell anyone. How did you learn anyway. Did James tell you yesterday » asked Marlene innocently

« Yes, James told me yesterday, at the party. » replied Lily on the defensive

_So she hasn't read his letter, such a pity or maybe she did and she is lying to me, hadn't she all summer, thought Marlene _

« I cannot believe that Dumbledore had asked them to do something so dangerous, how can he expose them like that. » mumbled Lily

« It was their choice Lil. They want to fight, they aren't Gryffindors for nothing. »

« You might be right Marlene. » sighed Lily

Marlene nodded and told Lily that she had seen the two of them speaking at the bar.

She had to be careful, Lily's reactions were similar to a cat's and Marlene did not want to get scratches.

Marlene asked Lily why she had left the party so early. It looked like a safe question but when Lily replied that she had left because she was tired, Marlene could not contain her frustration.

« It was not what we agreed Lily, we were supposed to have fun, you were supposed to leave after midnight, not 11pm and you were supposed to have your first kiss with Victor Chavignon. Instead of that you left me, alone, with Sirius and Martin Dupont.» said the beautiful blonde indignantly

Lily disliked the tone of accusation in Marlene's voice. What was wrong with her best friend, why was Marlene attacking her.

« No, this was your plan, not mine and it would not have been my first kiss anyway and I don't even know when you came home so I assume that it had not been such a tragedy to let you alone to deal with a _fling_ and Sirius, the so called love of your life. » snapped Lily

_Now let's hope that Marlene will focus on Sirius instead of hassling me about the kiss, thought Lily after realizing what she had just said_

Marlene laughed, she loved when Lily was exploding and she had gotten the information that she had been looking for all summer.

« Don't mock, one day we will get married. And thanks for asking I had a pleasant night, Sirius and I found an hidden spot behind some rocks and we, well we. »

« I got it thanks. » replied Lily hastily

Unfortunately for her, Marlene liked to talk about her lovemaking and that was not her favorite subject.

« But we are officially doing the boyfriend girlfriend thing.» finished Marlene with a huge smile on her face. She had almost forgotten of the purposes of her talk with Lily. Sirius Black was her boyfriend, finally!

Lily smiled for two very good reasons. As planned Marlene had focused on her relationship with Sirius. And she was also very happy for Marlene, a bit dubitative about how long this official relationship would last but happy.

«And I am really happy for you. I know that you love him. Now we should go downstairs, it is 6:50am. » said Lily with her index on her watch

Marlene took her wand and locked the door, smiling at Lily.

« You seriously believed that I was going to let you get out of this room without asking for more details and lecturing you for keeping that secret. For how long and who was the lucky guy. » asked Marlene innocently as if she had no idea about who was the guy...

Lily turned crimson and looked at her feet.

« 8 weeks, it happened 8 weeks ago, the party after Gryffindor won the house cup and I don't want to talk about it, that's why I did not say a word. »

Marlene smirked and asked Lily if the kiss was that bad or the guy so ugly that she could not even mention it to her best friend. Teasing Lily about _the_ _mystery_ _man_ was entertaining. Even before to read the letter she knew that something had happened between Lily and James that night, she just did not know what.

« It was James Lil, wasn't it. I saw him leaving right after you, I saw him _running_ after you. What happened, why didn't you say anything. I saw you two speaking yesterday, it looked _cordial_ from where I was standing so how big is the elephant in the room »

« Yes it was him and he did not really kiss me, it was a kiss for me because his lips were on mine but it was not what _you_ call a kiss because I slapped him and pushed him away before it could turned into a _real _kiss. » explained Lily redder than a tomato

« You slapped James Potter. »

Marlene bursted out laughing, she needed more details to really understand what had happened. James had not mentioned the slap in his letter

« You really slapped him. » she asked still laughing

Lily nodded and insisted on the fact that the slap was nothing compared to the rest.

« What I said was worst even if I did not mean any of the words that I said. As I was speaking, he was apologizing, swearing that he would never hurt me, that he had tried to get over me but I was so mad that I wasn't listening with my all senses. But he was not shutting up so I pushed him away just when the stairs started to move, he fell hard and I ran to our tower, ashamed, confused and mad. »

Marlene was shocked.  
She knew that James was not over Lily and that there were unresolved tensions between them but she would have never imagined _that_.

« And I had been trying to think about something else during the damn all summer but I can't. I feel so guilty, he did not deserve any of this. I was mad because I got that stupid letter from Petunia, letter where she had written that me, _the_ _freak_, could not be her bridesmaid and that it would be even better for me to do not come to the wedding at all. »

She was starting to cry, this letter from Petunia was still so painful.

« And my mother had written that she was sad but that I should respect my sister's decision, it was her big day, not mine. Do you know how it broke me. And the last thing that I needed was James Potter drunk as hell to follow me to confess his feelings when I had caught him two hours before, with that slut of Amanda, getting out of the room of requirements »

Marlene understood everything but did not share her point of view, Lily was not ready to hear it and she did not want to fight with the redhead so she just comforted Lily.

She hugged her and kissed her forehead

She had millions of questions but it was obviously not the right moment to mention any of them. She spotted the letter on the nightstand and sighed.

_If she only knew what was inside, thought Marlene_

« Lily, you are my best friend, I love you, please don't hide those things. I like to tease you but I am always here for you. And your sister is the only monster around, she is jealous of you Lil. I love you Lil»

Lily smiled at the blonde

« I know and I did not tell you anything because I was, I still am feeling so guilty and yesterday again he apologized and I asked him to stop. I told him that I was the one who should apologize. I think we are _good _now but I still feel horrible. » she stopped and looked at her watch

« We should go downstairs, your parents are probably waiting for us» she added

She needed air, she left Marlene's arms and with her wand closed her suitcase. Marlene looked at Lily, took the letter and gave it to her.

Lily, horrified, looked at her friend.

« I did not read it » lied Marlene hoping that her cheeks weren't going to turn crimson

« it was on the floor when I came home, I picked it up. But let me tell you one thing, you should read it and stop to see James as someone he is not. We have one last year at Hogwarts, give him a chance, get to know him, who knows you could become friends and you could even ending up falling for him, well I think you already did that because unless I heard wrongly, you did not complain or regret that lips on lips. » argued Marlene devilishly

Lily did not reply, why should she, Marlene was right and this was one of the things that she did admit to herself. This was not her idea of her first kiss nevertheless James was the only thing that did feel right that night.

_Because after all those years chasing me, I assumed that it would be him, he would have done it sooner or later. It had taken him 6 years that was more than what I had first thought. I had pictured it in a very similar situation actually, he had just picked a bad day. _

And that was how she had justified herself in front of her best friend. As far as she could understand, Marlene had believed her.

...

As they were leaving the house with Marlene's parents to reach the beach where the portkey was hidden Lily saw Sirius'motorbike on the parking above the beach and something else, a little something that felt as a stab in the back.

_I love you Lily. My ass and I was supposed to believe him, she thought as she was observing James kissing a blonde, tall girl. At least, he is too busy to notice us._

...

As they arrived in front of Lily's house, Marlene gave her a hug and thanked her for accepting her invitation.

« I had a very good time Marlene, thanks to you for inviting me. » smiled Lily

...

Lily was opening the door when Marlene's voice stopped her

« I saw him too Lil but you have no right to be mad. You can be sad but if so then I insist again it is ok to have feelings for James Potter. » Marlene was persistent, _everybody_ knew it.

« I don't. » And Lily was stubborn

Marlene raised her hands up in the air

« Never mind. See you next saturday, I will call Alice, you can come to sleep at my house. Our last night all together since you are head girl, we won't be sharing the dorm with you this year, I am so sad » said Marlene ruefully

Lily agreed with a nod.

They shared a last hug and Marlene finally left.

...

Lily opened the door not so happy to be _home. _She was thinking about how it would be to share the head boy/girl dorm with Remus. Hopefully he would not bring the rest of the Marauders _too_ often.

_At least, he won't bring girls often, she thought _

Her heart missed few beats as the image of James kissing that girl was coming back to her. She hope that Remus would never do the favor to offer his room to _his friend. _

The last thing that she needed was a face to face with one of _his _one night stand


	5. Head Boy

Hey

Hazelis924, welcome on board :)

here is chapter 5, hope you will like it. and please feel free to review and again sorry for all the possible mistakes

xx

...

Wednesday 30th of August 1977, platform 9 3/4,

The platform was crowded, owls, cats, suitcases, trunks, students with their families sharing a last hug before the departure of the train.

It was time to go back to Hogwarts.

Usually, the day of departure was the 1st of september but this year the 1st of September was a Thursday and Dumbledore had chosen to bring forward the day of departure.  
Dumbledore could have chosen Sunday 4th of September but he had not. Some students were a bit annoyed as they could have spent another weekend at home but many were just glad to go back to Hogwarts where they knew that they would be safe.

...

Lily, Marlene and Alice were waiting, behind a group of second and third years, to get on the train. Alice was giving _too many _details about her last days of holidays with her boyfriend, Frank Longbottom. After Marlene's pajama party, Frank had taken her to London, Muggle London and she had loved it.

Alice' smile could have enlightened the darkest room of the castle, she was truly happy.

...

Alice and Frank had started to date only few months ago, he was two years older. He had been the Head Boy and Prefect of Gryffindor, he had liked Alice since his sixth year but unlike _others_, he did not think that going after a fourth year was ethical.

Soon after graduating, he had joined the Ministry of Magic to start his formation to become an auror. He had gotten the chance to spend time with Alice during the easter break as Alice had joined the auror's department for a short internship.

They had flirted and kept in touch until the end of the school year. They had officially started to date at the beginning of the holidays.

Frank did so well during his first year that the Ministry had decided to give him some responsibilities already. Frank was also a member of the Order of the Phoenix, he was one of the few purebloods who was against all Voldemort's ideals. He was a perfect gentleman and Alice couldn't have found a better man.  
Alice was very proud and happy as he was going to spend the next four months in Hogsmeade, where the Ministry had decided to send him with another auror called Kingsley Shacklebolt that none of the girls knew but that Frank was considering as one of the best new aurors.

...

Marlene was barely listening, she was anxiously waiting for Sirius. She was scanning all the faces around them while Alice was still babbling about her perfect boyfriend.

The only reason why Marlene had not asked the short brunette to shup up was because she knew how important it was for Alice to share the details of her new relationship with her two best friends. Also Marlene knew that she was very annoying when she was talking about her and Sirius.

She still could not see Sirius and the train was about to leave. She felt a knot in her stomach, what if his plans had gone wrong.

Sirius wanted to speak to his little brother Regulus before school started. He wanted to warn him about the death eaters, Voldemort and their own family so he had decided to pay him a visit.

He had told Marlene about his plans the last time she had seen him, two days ago...

...

She finally spotted him, sunglasses, mid long black hair, a black leather jacket and a cigarette behind his right ear, all those details mixed up with his sexy and his could-not-care-less walk were giving goosebumps to all the girls around.

Sirius Black was the definition of sexiness. James was the handsome one, well who was the handsome one and who was the sexy one, that was the never ending debate between the girls (and boys) at Hogwarts.

Sirius was walking, alone which was strange, towards the girls. Marlene hugged him and kissed him passionately before he could say anything. People around were whispering, Hogwarts had just gotten its first gossip of the new term, of course neither Marlene or Sirius cared.

...

Sirius had scratches on his right cheek and apparently his left arm was broken as it was bandaged and hold in a Gryffindor scarf tied up around Sirius' neck.

The three young women were observing him, Marlene urged him to explain what had happened.

Sirius went to 12 Grimmauld Place, the Blacks House, to see Regulus, unfortunately when Sirius had arrived his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa, with their respective husbands, were there. They, obviously, fought and Sirius got his arm broken. He did not tell Marlene much about the events of the previous night but it was already enough to scare her to death.

« I don't want you to go there ever again, to this house. Sirius the only thing that you share with the Blacks is your last name. Let Regulus do whatever he wants and please stop this stupid quest. I don't care about the fact that Dumbledore had asked you, quit or you will die. » said Marlene desperately

He tried to calm her down but it was not easy. Marlene was passionate and impulsive, her best qualities and worst defaults at the same time.

« And where the hell was James, I thought that you were in this _together_. Why did you go alone. » she asked flustered

He took her left wrist in his free hand, kissed her palm and looked into her eyes.

« Marlene, I told you already James was busy with something else, he could not make it plus I did not go alone. I told Peter to come with me, I just asked him to arrive a bit later so my brother would not feel trapped but I was wrong. And when I arrived there, Bella was waiting for me with Narcissia' stupid fiance, I don't know how but they knew that I was going to come.»

« Something else, was she blonde or brunette » whispered Lily

« You could have died Sirius. » sobbed Marlene

Marlene was pale, she disliked the fact that Dumbledore had picked James and Sirius to try to convince the students to do not join Voldemort. Also, she totally hated the fact that Sirius had asked Peter to cover him.

She never really appreciated Peter, nobody was that shy, that nice, that, it was just too weird for her.

Peter had put his 3 friends on a pedestal and this bothered her so much. Peter had picked them to _protect _him... The short, fat, ugly and not very bright guy hanging out with Sirius, James and Remus, she was not mean, she was just realistic,

_It does not make any sense, never had and never will._

Sirius' voice interrupted her thoughts.

« I know but Marlene, I told you already, if I am going to die, I prefer to be fighting than just wait for it. »

Marlene sighed and pushed the door of the wagon, followed by Alice. Before Lily could get in, Sirius stopped her, a devilish smile on his face.

« Oh and Evans, I heard you and let me tell you, I don't think that Remus would appreciate to be referred as one of James conquests and anyway since when do you care so much, don't you hate him » He said mischievously

« I do. » she replied red as a tomato and she pushed him away without worrying about his broken arm and got into the train.

...

At least Marlene had decided to find an empty room for her and _her boyfriend_.

_No Sirius, meant no James, ouf, but where the hell is he, why wasn't he with Sirius, it is weird, I hope he is ok, thought Lily_

She shocked her head, thinking about James Potter, what the hell was wrong with her.

She sat next to Alice on the empty compartment that they had found. Unfortunately for her, Frank was on the train, sent by the Ministry just in case something happened, it took him less than forty minutes to finish his round and to join them.

Lily had spent the last hour watching the couple snogging.

Tired to be the third wheel, Lily excused herself and left the two lovers alone. It was still too early to meet with the Prefects and Remus but she could not stay in that compartment.

...

As she was walking through the aisle, she spotted Remus, who had more scars on his face than usual. Remus was the only Marauders that Lily considered as a friend.

She asked him how he was and how was his summer.

As usual he did not say much but he said enough to confirm that he and James got a very unpleasant evening.

« Is he ok. » she asked worriedly

Remus noticed her tone and raised an eyebrow. Lily had never shown any interest on James' health before.

« Some scratches but he is gonna be fine, nothing permanent. » grinned Remus

...

They passed in front of Marlene and Sirius compartment, Marlene stopped them and told them to join them. Marlene saw Peter walking behind them and told him to go and look for Alice and Frank.

Lily was still very surprised to do not see James around, it was weird.

...

As they sat, Lily realized that Remus' robes, as he was already dressed up, did not have the badge of Head Boy.

She wondered why and interrupted the conversation that was going on just when Alice, Frank and Peter were stepping into the compartment.

Remus rubbed the back of his neck.

« Well because I am not head boy Lily, I thought that you knew. Dumbledore did not think that it was a good idea since well you know many students now know about my little secret» explained Remus calmly

« Thanks to your dear friend Snivellus, Evans. » added Sirius disgustedly

« And may I know who is the head boy. » she asked, staring at them. She felt a, not so new, knot in her stomach.

_I knew it already, I knew just by looking at Remus' robe, maybe even before. It did cross my mind at the beach party, but why him, why, why_

« Hello Evans, talking about me. » said a sexy deep voice.

And there he was, standing on the door frame, a smile on his ridiculously handsome face, adjusting his robe so Lily could perfectly see the Head Boy badge.

As they noticed the expression on Lily's face, which was priceless, they all started to laugh, James included.

« Come on Evans, it is going to be fun. » James grinned mischievously

He wanted to add, you, me and a single bathroom but it would only increase her reluctance and this was not what he wanted.

« Dumbledore is loosing his mind, you of all the 7th year of the four houses, Head Boy. » gasped Lily

_Fight is coming, it is going to be be entertaining, thought Marlene_

« Well, if your I-put-my-nose-everywhere friend would not have tried to get Remus expelled after he had found out about Moony may be Remus would have been Head Boy. » replied James nonchalantly

« So easy to put the blame on Severus. » replied an offended Lily

« Well sorry Evans but that's the truth and for a year now him and his death easters' friends have been trying to get Remus and well the four of us expelled when they are way more dangerous than us. » said James coolly

« Severus is not one of them. » snapped Lily

James shocked his head, not even five minutes had passed and they were already fighting, why on earth could not he spend more than five minutes next to Lily Evans without entering into a fight, it had been like that since the _incident_ at the end of their fifth year.

He was trying to keep his tone as neutral as possible but of course he failed.

« He doesn't have the mark on his arm yet, but it is just a question of time. May be I should have let him go there instead of saving his ass. You should thank me you know, if your Severus is still alive it is because I saved him»

«Head Boy, as if you needed this title to get a bigger ego. It is so big that we can't even breathe in this wagon. » she shouted.

Her cheeks were red, she could not stand him, he was so so annoyingly confident.

He was already getting on her nerves when his lips drew a smirk

« Wow look this is lioness Evans. If you have any problem with my nomination as Head Boy, feel free to go to see McGonagall and Dumbledore. I did not ask for it, I even refused, 3 times. »

« Oh of course, please save your modesty. » she falsely laughed

« It is true, I already have a busy schedule with Quidditch, classes, Dumbledore's duties. But they insisted. It is a lot of responsibilities and I will do my best to honor them » said James adjusting his tie.

James Potter talking about responsibilities, Lily's blood was boiling.

« Yes Head Boy means responsibilities, not sneaking around or shagging girls into any room available. »

Lily was now redder than her hair, almost as red as her pants. She felt trapped, she always thought that Dumbledore appreciated her, apparently she was wrong. He probably hated her becausd pairing her with James Potter, what could be worst. Dumbledore had gone mental there was no other explanation.

James was now highly irritated. He had not done anything, he had just said the truth, he had saved Severus' arse and he had refused three times over the summer the Head Boy's badge but Dumbledore and Pr McGgonagall had insisted, they wanted him and no one else. They had even paid a visit to his parents...

« What's your problem Evans, I thought we were good after our little chat at the beach party. » And he was actually sincere

« We were but then I saw you. »

Marlene looked at Lily, eyes wide opened, oh oh.

Lily bit her lips as she realized that she had said _too_ _much_. They were all staring at her, not that they had really stopped since the beginning of the fight anyway but still...

« You saw me, what does that mean. Oh you saw me and since when do you care. » asked James who was now trying to hide his confusion once he had realised what she meant by I saw you.

He had said it with his arrogant tone but deep down he was really confused, he was used to Lily's anger towards him but that was more than anger, it was deeper but he could not define it. He even thought that she was jealous but that could not be possible. He shocked his head, Lily hated him and not matter hard it was for him to accept it, it was the truth and it hurt so much.

« I don't, I just can't trust you or any of the words that come out of your mouth and I am disappointed because apparently I am the only one who does see who you really are. » she snapped angrily

She was hurt, it hurt so much. She was ready to make an effort but it would be just a waste of time.

_Why do I even care, he is not worth it. Life has been too kind with him, rich, beautiful, smart that's what people see. But he is just a spoiled liar rotten to the core. _

« We aren't married Evans, I do whatever I want. I don't know what you think that you saw but just for the record I thought that you hated me and I don't need your permission to shag girls. If I would not know you better, I would say that you are jealous» he had to try

« In your dreams. » she replied but deep down she knew that he was right.

Marlene and Sirius looked at each other and wordlessly decided that it was time to end the show. She pushed the boys outside saying that they needed to get dressed.

Before to leave James added that he had already organized everything with the Prefects, that they all knew what to do.

Lily did not even bother to reply. She did not even thank him which irritated James as he had done it for her, to let her be with her friends but she would not believe him. She was probably thinking that he had done it to make himself look good.

...

Marlene closed the door of their compartment. They changed in silence, Alice and Marlene in shock were observing Lily. Marlene did not even comment anything about the new uniforms, a colorful skirtm burgundy for Gryffindor, and a tartan skirt, colors changing to be in accordance with each house, had been approved and she was one of the girls who had fought for it.

Lily sighed, a pain in her chest, tears in her eyes.

« I am sorry for the show. It is just that I can't stand him. He acts as he never does anything wrong. I feel like we are playing cat and mouse and I am the _mouse_. He asked me out countless times but why should I say yes, I am not even 5 steps away that he is already after another girl. Do you know how many times I spotted him coming out of the prefects bathroom over the last 2 years, 11 times with 7 different girls. »

« I think he wants you to be jealous and it is working. » started Alice before to be interrupted by Marlene

« No Al, it is deeper. He has a big ego, everytime Lily turns him down, he automatically feels weak, so he looks for a rebound. Lily hurts him because she rejects him but at the end Lil, you are the one who is really hurt. You are going to be forced to spend a lot of time with him, either you like it or not. You should make a little introspection and you should give him a chance as a friend or whatever or you let it go no matter what he will do to get your attention.»

Lily disagreed, for James Potter it was a game.  
For 5 years, she had been trying to do not care about the words that had come out of his mouth, trying to avoid him as much as possible because she was scared to be a bet, a fling... and suddenly last year when she had noticed that he was no longer chasing her, that he was collecting girls as if they were chocolate frog cards, she had known that he was the winner of this little game.

Hate, love, whatever it was, she was feeling something for him when she meant nothing to him.

That was why she had got so mad at him when he had followed her that night and had said all those things because as usual it was a game. He was with another girl a moment before, she had seen them.

She really hated him because he had managed to make her feel something for him. She would have to be strong this year or she would end up heartbroken.

...

In the meantime, the boys were in the aisle. James was staring at the door. Sirius had passed his non broken arm around James' shoulders.

« I thought you were over her » mocked Sirius

« I am. She attacked me. » replied James who was on the defensive

Remus and Peter chuckled, Sirius smirked before to counterattack

« Yes sure, isn't it funny that you are over her just when she finally gets jealous. Who knows Prongs may be your plan will work after all. »

Remus wanted to add something as he was totally agreeing with Sirius but James had raised his right hand and was pointing his index at his friends.

« It is not a plan, I am over her. She doesn't like me. It took me a long time to finally get her out of my head and no matter what just happened in this compartment I can tell you that she doesn't feel anything for me. » he said looking at his reflection on the glass of the window, just to be sure that his hair was _perfectly_ untidy

He could not tell his friends that he was still not over Miss Evans, they would make fun of him for another year... and maybe, maybe if he kept telling to himself that he was over, he would manage to forget about her.

« How can you be so sure. » asked Remus dubitative, interrupting James' thoughts

Sirius frowned and looked at James, Sirius was the only one who knew about the _incident_.

James cleared his throat, why hidding the truth.

« Because I told her, I love you and she pushed me in the stairs, last june, the party after we won the cup. »

James sighed and started to walk away. Remus and Peter were in shock

...

They found an empty compartment. Remus sat in front of James and said

« I am sorry James, now I understand why you did not want to be Head Boy. May be you two can be friends. »

« No, no, I don't want to be her friend. I am not like you Moony, I will never accept her friendship as a compromise I want all or nothing and apparently I got nothing. » he said gloomily

This was going to be a long year.


	6. Bambi

Here we are with chapter 6.

Breesygirl, welcome on board. I hope you are going to like the rest of the story.

GinnyWeasley09, thanks for your comment :)

hope you will like this chapter let me know and again sorry for the mistakes

...

Wednesday 30th of August 1977, Gryffindor's dormitories

Alice, Lily and Marlene were in their room, now ex room for Lily.

As Head Girl, she was now sharing a 3 rooms space with the Head Boy, James Potter. Two bedrooms, a bathroom, a little common room full of bookshelves with a red velvet couch, two old burgundy armchairs and a chimney, she had barely seen it though.

After dinner, she had gone there just to be sure that all her stuff was there and then she had run upstairs to her old room before The Marauders' arrival.

She had head James, over dinner, babbling with his friends about the room. She had heard him said that he was going to give them a tour and she was pretty sure that Sirius and Peter had asked if they could sleep on the couch...

...

Lily was sat on her old bed with Alice, both eating sherbet lemon and rock cakes. Marlene was _organizing _her closet and preparing her outfits.

They were speaking about their schedules. Their classes in common were D.A.D.A, herbology, charms, transfiguration and potion. Alice and Lily were also sharing advanced arithmancy and history of Magic and Marlene and Lily astronomy. Marlene had also chosen divination as she loved it and was indeed really good at it, _too good at it._

Marlene was also a member of the astronomy club, Vice President. Alice was a member of the charms club, with Remus, and for Lily it was the potion's club and of course she was a member of the very closed club of Pr Slughorn.

« Seriously Lil, 2 clubs, 8 classes and your duties of Head Girl, what about the idea of enjoying our last year. » dramatized Marlene throwing an old black skirt on the floor with a pout of disgust.

« But I am going to love my last year, I am gonna be fine. There is only one Pr Slughorn's club meeting per month and I might drop astronomy, we do have 2 weeks to give McGonagall our final schedule. » said Lily rationally

« Lil, don't drop astronomy please. We share this one » begged Marlene

And then she added that she was glad to share 6 classes with Sirius, plus the astronomy club, as the couple that they were now, they did their best to match their schedules so they could spend as much time as possible together.

Sirius did not choose divination only because enough 7th year had asked for apparition and Sirius really wanted to learn more about it and also because James, Remus and Peter had taken it aswell.

The Ministry had changed the legal age of the apparition test, it used to be 17 years old but it was now 18 years old and only after graduating from Hogwarts. The Ministry was hoping that it would prevent the Death Eaters students from trying to get out of the castle to apparate when Voldemort was _calling _all his servants for a _meeting, _because yes there were Death Eaters among the students.

...

Marlene was still talking about her and Sirius, about how glad she was to have convinced him to share as much classes as possible...

However, Alice and Lily were a bit dubitative. Marlene sat in between them and wrapped her arms around their shoulders.

« Thanks for your enthusiasm girls. » she said sarcastically

« Look Marlene, we are happy for you and I think that it is great that Sirius wants to join the Astronomy club to spend more time with you but what if. » started Alice but Marlene cut her

«No Al, there will be no what if. Sirius and I are going to work, you will see girls. » replied seriously the beautiful blonde. Her piercing green eyes meeting the brown eyes of Alice and the piercing green eyes of Lily.

Marlene and Lily had both piercing green eyes but Lily's eyes were deeper than Marlene's eyes but Marlene's were lighter than Lily's.

...

They kept talking about classes for few more minutes and then Marlene decided that it was time to show to her friends her new _magic vanity of make up _before to focus on something else that Lily wasn't thrilled about it.

Marlene was giving advice to Alice as Alice had told her friends that she was ready for the big step, _sex_, with Frank.

As if they had heard the _word _Dorcas, Emmeline and Elizabeth knocked at the door.

The three girls with Katie Smith, the Ravenclaw Prefect were known as the _magpies. _

They were always with Katie Smith and the quatuor were the gossip girls of Hogwarts, always spreading rumors around, always with a nasty comments into their mouths.

The _magpies_ were kind of friends with the trio, basically just friend with Marlene, and they liked to join Marlene, Alice and Lily to the great displeasure of Lily and most of the time for Alice's displeasure too.

...

Since the _magpies_ had lost their V card during their 5th year, they were actively participating, giving advice, sharing their experiences and of course mocking a bit.

Lily was out of the conversation since she had no idea about _it _and as there was no sexual education's class at Hogwarts her knowledge were basically limited to what Marlene and the girls had explained her.

She was also feeling pretty uncomfortable, she did not need the compassion of her friends. She kindly reminded them that being a virgin at 17 was not considered a flaw.

« No, you are right Lily, it is not but it feels like a big war is coming and I don't want to wait any longer. » confessed Alice

Lily could understand Alice's position, also it was easy for Alice since she had found her perfect man in Frank. Lily knew him quite well since he had been Head Boy and before it Prefect and she could tell that he was a gentleman and a _true_ Gryffindor.

It brought James to her mind, James was brave yes but mostly because he was too arrogant and too proud to do not face the danger. James Potter would never take the risk to disappoint his audience...

He was not a gentleman, he was a man-whore and he was definitely not an example to follow.

Yes many students admired him but it did not mean that he was an example. An example to get in trouble maybe...

« Lily, hello Earth is calling the lady of the lake. » said Dorcas mocking

« Sorry, what did you say Dorcas. » asked Lily blushing as she was trying to avoid the blue eyes of Dorcas.

« I was asking you with whom you see yourself loosing it. I mean imagine that tomorrow Voldemort invades the castle with his army, that it is near the end, who would it be, you might have thought about it. »

As usual with Dorcas, Lily felt embarrassed. Dorcas was always asking her _tricky_ questions and the _magpie_ was always enjoying it a bit too much...

Lily glanced at Marlene who smiled at her. Reassured, Lily looked into the blue eyes of Dorcas and calmly replied

« Not at all, first because Voldemort only fears one person, Dumbledore so I don't think that he is going to come _here_ with his army. »

« Come on Lily, just play a bit, we aren't saying that it is going to happen, just imagine. I don't know, do you never imagine anything. Are all your thoughts really about reality. » asked Alice suddenly curious about Lily's thoughts.

Lily had never talked about having this kind of thoughts... Alice did not want to embarrass her best friend, she was just curious. However, she automatically regretted her words after seeing a huge smirk on Dorcas and Elizabeth's faces.

Lily frowned, that was a good one. She always needed to have everything planned, everything under control, the only unpredictable thing in her life was _James Potter_.

« Mostly yes. I am not a daydreamer. » she admitted very serious

They all starred at her in shock.

« Well let me tell you Lil, you won't be able to always control everything and you should give you a bit of freedom, pleasure and now seems the right moment to start. » smiled Marlene

Marlene never missed an occasion to remind Lily to have fun which always made Lily rolled her eyes.

...

The magpies told Lily that she should think about the guy with whom she would like to loose her V Card which annoyed the redhead to the highest degree. She stood up, took her old beige cotton tote bag that she was always carrying with her and walked towards the door.

« I will think about it and give you an answer once I have one. Now if you excuse me, I have to find _him_ and check with the Prefects if everything is fine. If I don't kill him, may be I will have time to come back otherwise I will see you tomorrow at 7:30am in the common room. » she said as she was opening the door

« Good night Lil. » replied Marlene and Alice.

« Good luck with James, if you run into him in the shower please have a look, I wanna know if rumors are true. »

« oh Emmeline, they are. » laughed Dorcas

Lily stared at Dorcas incredulously

_How does she know, did they, no, no please no, don't picture it. If she had slept with him, why does she hate me, thought Lily perplexe_

...

Once Lily was gone, Dorcas bet that Lily would actually loose her V card before Christmas and she even gave a _name_. They all bet a different day but they all picked the _same_ guy except Marlene.

When Alice asked her why Marlene simply replied that she was sure that those _two_ were destined to be together but that Lily was far from accepting it and once she would have accepted it, it would, again, take some times before she would give him a real chance. And Marlene did not want to bet about her best friend's virginity or to give Dorcas a chance to jubilate.

« So I am sorry girls but I disagree. I think that it will be him, I am not even sure actually because Lily is quite capable of loosing it with Remus just to make James jealous and also because she had promised herself that it would not be him. And if it is him then I think it won't be anytime before the school year ends but at least it will be love. » she said insisting on the last word

« She might be your best friend Marlene but she has to share her life, kind of, with him now. They share the same bathroom, the same room, most of the classes and that's without mentioning all the time that they are going to spend together because of their duties. I don't think that James is going to wait and see. He has changed, she doesn't want to see it now but she is not blind and I am pretty sure that she does not hate him as much as she says. » argued Dorcas

« Well I think Dorcas is right here, James has changed. » added Emmeline who was looking for the spleat ends in her very long and silky light brown hair.

Marlene shocked her head

« Sorry girls, but I am not in and frankly I don't care about who or when, I just want her to do it with the right person. »

« Come on Marlene, the guy's dream is to shag her so he can tell the all school that he had got her into his bed. She had promised herself to do not give it to him, well he had bet the contrary 3 years ago. I heard the all conversation and James does never loose a bet. So I go on with my bet, before Christmas it will be done. » replied Dorcas maliciously

« You know that he is in love with her, you do right. » snapped Marlene at the wavy blonde hair girl in front of her

« I do, why. » asked Dorcas coolly

« Then don't play the bitch symphony around them Dorcas, are we clear. » threatened Marlene

« We are M. » smiled Dorcas innocently

Marlene glared at Dorcas before to change the subject of the conversation. She was not going to spend her evening talking about Lily and James.

...

In the meantime,

Gryffindor's tower,

Lily was looking for James but she could not find him. She had gone to the Marauders' dormitory, empty, her and James' dormitory, well their common room, empty, she even had opened the door of his room empty aswell.

She had gone to the Prefects' room, which was on the left of the Gryffindor common room behind an old still life. The Prefects' room where she had, at least, found the 4 Prefects.

When she had asked if all the students from year 1 to 5 were in their rooms, they had said yes, when she had asked about the 6th year, yes again.

« Ok, good job guys. » she was surprised but in a good way

« We did not have to do anything, James had sent all of them to their respective rooms in less than 5 minutes, impressive. I've never seen something like that before. » revealed Annie, a 5.5ft girl with brown eyes and freckles all over her face who was the 5th year Prefect

_Of course, he is enjoying his power, thought Lily annoyed_

« Ok, so well, good night guys, time for you to join your rooms aswell. It is 9pm already. I will have a look at the 7th year. »

« Nope, also done. » informed Daniel the charming but short 5th year Boy Prefect

_Yes done for everybody except his friends, their room is empty. Of course, James makes people respect the curfew but his friends are free from any rule._

« Nice, do you know may be where he is. I've been looking for him but I can't find him anywhere» she said trying to be as calm as possible

« Sorry Lily, no idea but you should have a look in your room, I am pretty sure I've seen him going there. » replied Jenny Smith, the podgy 6th year Prefect that the Marauders called _Paupiette._

_Paupiette_ had been Peter's first and only girlfriend after James and Sirius had decided, last year, that it was time for Peter to become a man. Unfortunately, the love story had ended up after a couple of months, at the end _Paupiette_ was a smart girl and she had quickly understood that Peter was not as cool as James or Sirius once they were alone.

However whoever asked James, Sirius, Remus or even Peter who had broken up with the other, they always replied that Peter did but Lily knew that Paupiette had put an end to this ridiculous relationship.

Lily had always liked _Paupiette._

...

About 30min later

Lily had gone ouf the Gryffindor tower, she was walking alone in the dark hallways of the castle. It was late and she should be in her bed but she had to find him.

_No, I don't. He is free to do whatever he wants._

And she ran back to their room.

...

She was reading in their common room, she was sat comfortably on the red couch. She was wearing an old creamy knitted jumper and a dark blue pajama pant.

It was almost 11pm and she should be in her bed but she was absorbed in a biography of Godric Gryffindor. The HB/HG's common room had so many books that she had never seen before, she was thrilled about the perspective of reading them all.

She heard noises behind the door and before she could run to her room, here they were, the 4 Marauders. They briefly greeted her.

...

She observed them making themselves comfortable on the armchairs and chairs around the chimney. She noticed how Sirius got a bottle of fire whiskey out of his robe and Peter the glasses out of an old bag before to delicately put them on the desk.

She closed her book and blinked, was this a _dream, sorry a nightmare _

« I am sorry, are you planning to spend the night here. » she asked with a mix of oddness and anger

« Evans, are we bothering you, is that a good book. » asked Sirius with his most rebellious voice

Peter was filling the glasses when she had stood up to remind them that they could not spend the night here, that it was forbidden to drink alcohol and that they should be in their room, _sleeping_. They stared at her and finally bursted into laughter except James who was oddly serious.

« Come on Evans, close your book and join us for a drink. » exclaimed Peter raising his glass cheerfully

She did not even bother to reply. She took her book and went to her room, slamming the door with anger.

« Oh Merlin, so much frustration in such a tiny body. This year is gonna be so funny Prongs.» laughed Sirius followed by Remus and Peter, who was refilling his glass.

« One drink guys, it is 11 already and I would like to enjoy this year too and for this I need to be alive. I don't want her to murder me in my sleep. » said James lightly but he did not fooled his friends. They knew that James was uncomfortable and did not want to bother Lily.

Sirius smirked and nodded, _one drink._

...

Lily looked at the clock, midnight and she could still hear them. She needed to sleep, she was tired. She had 7 classes to attend, the first meeting of the potion's club and a meeting with the Prefects of every house on the next day.

She pushed the golden blanket and the red sheets away, stood up and got out of her room like a fury.

«Out, out. » she yelled at the four young men

She literally pushed Sirius, Remus and Peter out, they were laughing so much that they did not even care. Sirius was protecting his injured arm though.

As she was slamming the door in their faces, Sirius realized that he had forgotten the bottle on the table, he bursted into laughter again, picturing James offering Lily a drink.

...

Lily walked towards James with a threatening look

« Being Head Boy might be a joke for you, it is not for me, life isn't a joke. Grow up. And this room is not a bar. » she shouted. Her usually calm face was now red of anger.

« Oh good night to you too Evans. You sure you don't want a drink you seem a bit tense. » replied James airily. It looked like the best option but apparently he was wrong.

Lily was not in the mood, _was she ever in the mood, _and ran back to her room. Before she had time to slam the door again he told her about the password. It certainly was not the right moment for the _pun_ but he had to tell her or she would not be able to get in on the following day. Also, he knew that Lily was probably going to be mad at him for a week so it was better to do not increase her rage.

« Oh Evans, before I forgot we had changed the password of this room, just before to come in, it is now bambi. »

_Bambi, _she did not even bother to ask why.

« It is a tragedy. » she replied looking at him disconcerted. She was wondering how on earth they came up with this stupid password.

« I was actually not thinking about _this_ when I chose the password. I was just thinking about the animal and believe me there is a meaning» he said with an honest smile

But apparently, she was not getting his point, _too bad. _Well may be it was not that bad since she was really pissed off, she could have murdered him if she had understood the meaning behind the _password_

« Whatever, you are _twisted_. » she mumbled rolling her eyes

« Good night to you too Evans. »

And he raised his glass with a smile.

« Go to hell. » and she slammed her door

_Hell, well it does feel like I already reached that station. I had never thought that Dumbledore hated me but apparently he does otherwise why would he forced me to live with the girl that I love while I can't even have a regular talk with her. I need a girlfriend asap. Thought James_


	7. A hint of something new

Here we go with a new chapter.

itsfallenangel welcome to this story

Thanks for following, hope you are going to like this chapter

xx,

...

Thursday 1st of September 1977,

Lily opened her eyes and panicked as she was looking at her watch, it was 7:25am and she was supposed to meet her friends at 7:30am.

« I overslept, it has never happened to me before. » she gulped

She was horrified, how come did it happen.

Easy answer, her alarm had not rung, she would love to blame James for this but clearly he had nothing to do with it, she had simply forgotten to adjust her alarm. She had been so immersed in her book, after the _midnight talk, _that she had fallen asleep, book in her hands, way too late, and without adjusting her old yellow alarm clock.

...

She ran out of her room to the bathroom only wearing pale blue knickers and an old white t-shirt. It did not occur to her that James could be inside, well she did think about it but she did not care at all in that moment. Her first class was in less than an hour and she had many things to do before, too many things.

And anyway, James had told her that he had used a charm on the doors of the bathroom, if one of them was inside the doors could only be opened from the bathroom not the rooms.

She shocked her head as she realized that she, indeed, had believed James without even questioning him about the charm he had used or anything.

_Something is definitely wrong with me, she thought _

...

About 15minutes later.

As she was walking in the great hall, looking for Marlene and Alice, she noticed that some students were staring at her and they had, indeed, a very good reason for it.

Her long red hair was wet, her tie was not tied up properly, her shirt was on top of her skirt and her robe was poorly rolled under her right arm.

Obviously nobody had ever seen her like this, never...

She tried to walk straight and to do not look around, still looking for the familiar blonde head of Marlene and the familiar brown bob of Alice.

...

She frowned when she spotted James, Remus and Peter flirting with three _too_ beautiful girls. They were tall, they were blonde with deep blue eyes and God, Merlin or whoever, had been way too generous with the curves of their bodies and the length of their legs.

The redhead was trying to do not stare at them but that was bloody complicated and half of the Gryffindor, and students in general, were staring at them. Girls with envy and boys with not really envy...

Lily knew that four girls from Beauxbatons had been transferred to Hogwarts, the Lafarge's sisters, and since those three girls were for sure sisters, two were twins actually and James was flirting with them, Lily had no doubts, they were the Lafarges.

They looked like Brigitte Bardot, so yes they were definitely the French girls.

She felt a knot in her throat when she heard James laughed. She looked away and finally saw Marlene who was waving at her.

« Lily, what happened to you. » asked Marlene worriedly while she was giving a bowl of cereals to the redhead

Lily looked at Marlene, loved, in Sirius' arms and she tried to smile. Truth be told, she had just realized that Marlene and Sirius doing the boyfriend/girlfriend meant that Sirius would _always _be around and she wasn't thrilled about this idea and everything linked to this idea like James...

« I overslept. »she mumbled

_or may be I am just trapped in a stupid nightmare, she thought _

James' laugh interrupted her thoughts, she instinctively looked around until their gaze met. She moved and looked at her bowl of cereals, drowning them into the milk.  
James moved closer, with a Lafarge twins on each arm.

Marlene was studying the all scene, _interesting..._

« Sirius brother of mine, chicas, let me introduce you to Caroline and Claire Lafarge, 6th years and freshly transferred from BB. » announced James fiercely

Marlene, Alice, Dorcas, Elizabeth and Emmeline greeted warmly the twins. Lily mumbled a shy _hello. _She was feeling sick, James' flirty attitude was making her nauseous.

She pushed her bowl away and stood up, moving in a hurry. James took her wrist and stopped her

« Hey Evans where are you running. We still have 15minutes before transfiguration. » he said gently

He wondered what was wrong with her as before she would have never lost an opportunity to take him down. She would have told the twins that he was a pig, a brainless toerag or something like that.

« I have to check with the Prefects if. »

« Relax Evans, I already did that. This morning when I noticed that you had decided to take an extra nap. I met the Prefects before to leave the common room and everything is fine. » he explained proudly

« I still have to go. » she mumbled, not paying attention to his tone.

She looked down, at her wrist in his hand. She raised her gaze to meet his, she was waiting for James to release her. He was looking into her eyes, he could say that she was uncomfortable.

Free from his hand, she excused herself and left. Marlene kissed her _boyfriend _and followed Lily.

...

« Lil, wait, Lil, come on wait. » called Marlene almost out of breath

_Hell since when does she run that fast, thought the sexy blonde_

But Lily did not stop until she was sure that they were _far away _from the Great Hall.

...

Marlene caught Lily on their way to Pr McGonagall's class. Marlene asked her what was going on as they sat on a bench in front of McGonagall's door.

« Nothing, I just overslept, it had never happened to me before. Look at me, I even forgot the socks, I am violating the rules. » croaked Lily

Marlene told Lily to relax. She took care of Lily's tie, braided her red hair and ordered her to sit and breath.

«So you overslept, it does happen to me, _often_. And nobody is going to expell you because you've forgotten our socks. You will go for them during break. »

« Yes sure. » sighed Lily who was staring at the brown old door in front of them.

Marlene asked if there was something else, Lily nodded.

« I saw him with those girls and then he is here standing next to me playing the perfect Head Boy. Don't worry Lily, I already checked, everything is fine. Who's the hell does he think he is. » she said angrily

« The Head Boy, Lil. » kindly replied Marlene

Lily glared at her friend which made the blonde chuckled.

« Lil, I don't get it, you were upset when you got the news because you were afraid that he would escape all the time from your duties and now you are upset because he is actually doing his job. »

Lily crossed her arms on her chest and rolled her eyes.

« I don't need his pity. Oh poor Lily, she overslept, I will go on an check with the Prefects. It is a game for him, he is just trying to prove that he is better than me, that he can be the perfect HB. » said Lily angrily

Marlene laughed and told Lily that this was absurd. She told Lily that James was probably just trying to help. She insisted on the fact that James Potter was not that bad.

« May be but anyway I overslept because of him, well them, your _boyfriend _included. So Potter probably just felt a hint of guilt. » said Lily coldly

Marlene raised her eyebrows and asked what she had missed. Lily explained her about the episode of the fire whiskey, how she had pushed them out and slammed the door at Sirius' nose.

Marlene could not stop laughing and it only got worst when the Marauders arrived, about 30 seconds before Pr McGonagall, out of breath from their run after their morning prank on Filch.

Sirius stared at his girlfriend suspiciously but got stopped by McGonagall before he could open his mouth.

« Inside Black, now. Potter, I thought that we were clear about your morning ritual. » said Pr McGonagall seriously

« Oh we are Professor, it was the last one, I swear. It was our farewell to pranks. » explained James on the same tone as his favorite teacher.

« Potter get inside before I give you a farewell detention. Black no comment, Lupin, Pettigrew, come on hop hop inside now. » said McGonagall rolling her eyes.

...

When Lily saw that Sirius was taking Marlene's hands to find seats at the back of the room, she thought that she was going to cry which was very childish but this day had not started well at all and she did not want to be separated from her best friend.

She was always with Marlene in transfiguration, Alice was always with Remus, it had been like that for the last three years, since she had befriended the girls.

But Lily had the feeling that everything was going to be different this year, everything. She looked around and spotted her _old friend_ who was sat next to his new best friend Mulciber.

Their eyes briefly met and instantly Lily looked away, this friendship was over but it was still painful for both.

...

Lily was looking around to find _another _table, she spotted one, on the front row, the table next to the window. She walked towards the table and let her tote bag fell on the table. At least she had managed to get a table away from James Potter, she thought when she saw him talking with Remus, Alice and Peter at a table, far, far away from her.

...

She was taking her quill out of her bag when she heard _his_ voice

« Evans, »

_When is this nightmare going to end, she thought as James was taking the empty sit next to hers._

_« Hope _you don't mind, well I know you do but _she_ took my sit and there is no way I am going to sit next to Audrey or Selena. » explained James as he was pointing Melissa Foreman who had taken the sit next to Peter, sit that should have been his own.

« Be my guest. » she sighed and enrolled her parchment without looking at him.

When he added that he could help her since he was the best student at the discipline she told him to shut up

« Otherwise I change you into a parrot, you do share a lot with the animal already. » she snapped

For her surprise he laughed, his laugh was contagious and she ended up laughing aswell until Pr McGonagall glared at them

Marlene, Alice and the rest of the Marauders noticed and someone else but this person highly disliked the _scene. _He had lost her because of him, because of James Potter but seeing them laughing, seeing Lily laughing with James was definitely a first and something he had not anticipated. He could not even breathe, he so wanted to murder the bloody Quidditch Captain, prankster, Don Juan, James Potter.

« One day I will. » he murmured still looking at the girl he had fallen in love with many years ago.

Lily did not notice of course, she was too busy chatting with James.


	8. Dumbledore's list

Here we go with another chapter.

amy potter b, welcome :)

sorry for the mistakes on this chapter, I am looking for a beta

xx

...

Saturday 3rd of September 1977,

Lily was having lunch with Marlene and Alice. Marlene and Alice were talking about their boyfriends and girls stuff like Emmeline's new haircut, _a disaster _while Lily was reading the daily prophet and its lot of bad news.

After reading the last news about Death Eaters who had attacked the non pure blood Quidditch players of the Chudley Cannons and the Montrose Magpies during the last amical game on Wednesday night, she sighed and looked at her watch, 1:30pm.

« Oh no, I am gonna be late. Girls, I will see you later. I have to go upstairs to pick up my books. The Potion club's opening hours starts in 15 minutes and I promised Pr Slughorn that I would be there to start with the interviews. » said Lily rapidly

«No rush Lily. Potions are so boring, I am sure you won't get more than 5 candidates. » replied Alice looking at her yellow nails with satisfaction. The nail polish tasted like banana, her favorite fruit.

« No, in fact we got 20 applications, Pr Slughorn got the curriculums already. » replied Lily enthusiastically

Marlene and Alice made few jokes, teasing Lily about some potions that she should try to make which made the redhead rolled her eyes.

As Lily was standing up to leave the Marauders were walking towards them, Lily feigned to do not see them, she had no time for another round of _Potterness_. Remus asked where she was running, he had not really had time to talk to his friend or to apologize for the midnight firewhiskey incident and he wanted to be sure that Lily was not mad at him.

Lily did not bother to reply, she was not mad at Remus, she just wanted to avoid James.

« Potion's club opening hour starts in 10min. » replied James before to sit next to Peter and in front of Sirius who had taken Lily's seat next to his girlfriend.

« Oh Evans say hi to Snivellus for me please. Tell him to give you the reference of his potions kit, I am thinking about asking the same one for Christmas. Oh and I think he will like the size of your skirt.» mocked Sirius before to get a smack behind his head from the beautiful blonde.

Marlene was glaring at her boyfriend and so were James and Remus.

Lily was meters away but they knew that she heard Sirius. They knew because her speed had changed and she was adjusting her dark denim skirt. It was not a mini skirt but it was about 15cm above the knees so it was a mini, mini skirt compared to what Lily usually wear.

The gesture was typical from Lily and it made them all laughed, James a bit less though. Snivellus and Lily, he shocked his head, _nightmare._

...

Remus was observing James.

« Since when do you know the opening hours of the Potion's club James. Did you send your CV » asked an incredulous Remus

Sirius and Peter bursted into laughter.

« Of course not, I could not find my potions' kit. » joked James as he knew what Remus meant but did not want to answer.

They all laughed again and then Remus said that this was not an answer. James rolled his eyes before to explain that he knew Lily's schedule as they needed to work together.

Sirius laughed and made some comments about James and Lily's _schedule_

« Don't mock Padfoot, this girl has a very _complicated_ agenda and I needed to be sure that we had some free periods together to do our duties. »

« Your _duties, _of course. » replied Sirius excitedly

James threw his napkin at Sirius' face.

Taken aback by this revelation, Marlene asked James if he had really memorized Lily's complicated schedule, James nodded and blushed which was very uncommon.

He added that he felt stupid saying it out loud.

He had spent the last year screaming that he was over Lily Evans and here he was red handed by her best friend and his, but that was different, deep down the Marauders knew that James was trying to convince himself that he was over Lily Evans.

« So you memorized it, it is not stupid, it is brilliant James. » exclaimed Peter who did not get the real meaning of the conversation _as often._

...

Around 3:30pm, Lily, Severus and Pr Slughorn were done with the interviews. Pr Slughorn told his two students that they could leave.

« Give me your reviews about the students that you had interviewed on Tuesday after our class, I will do the final selection by myself before next Saturday. » he said joyful

Lily and Severus promised to have it ready for Tuesday.

...

Before to leave, Severus tried to speak with Lily but she was running away from him as she had been since that day.

He caught her arm on the hallway but as soon as he noticed the Marauders in the middle courtyard, he released Lily's arm automatically. He was not going to fight with them in front of Lily, not again, not this year.

« Lily please hear me out » he tried but she cut him off and told him again that she had no time for another _lampoon_.

He watched her joining her _friends_, he watched her sitting next to James as he watched them on Thursday in transfiguration's class.

...

Lily sat for a bit less than 10 minutes. She was not comfortable, she had the unpleasant feeling that Emmeline and Dorcas were whispering about her. Also sitting on the ground was not her favorite position. Sirius was right this skirt was _too_ short. She was not Marlene, she did not know how to stand, how to sit or even how to wear it properly. She gave up.

« I am going to the library, I have some stuff to do. I will see you guys later. »

Marlene rolled her eyes and refuted Lily's argument.

« Oh gosh Lil, we all attended the same classes yesterday, we don't have anything to do yet. »

« It is from history of Magic. » explained Lily

Marlene turned and look at Alice, Alice sighed and said that it was true. Marlene capitulated this time and let Lily leave.

...

James was ogling at Lily, wondering how he was going to survive this last year. The couple Marlene/Sirius did not only meant a problem for Lily, it was one for both.

James, had tried during his all 6th year to get Lily out of his mind for what confessing his love and getting a slap as an answer few months ago.

He had been with many girls to try to clean up his head but it did not work as at some point he was always thinking about the redhead. He was constantly wondering how would it be to be with her, to speak with her, to have random conversations, how would it be to touch her and more than that obviously.  
It was so hard for him to get over Lily Evans, not hard impossible.

...

He needed to say something, he needed to _act_ like James Potter, the confident James Potter. He could feel the eyes of his friends and girls on him.

« See you later Evans, for the patrol, at 9pm in the common room, don't play sleeping beauty again. » screamed James tauntingly

Of course she would not forget but teasing was so easy with Lily. For his surprise, Lily did not look back. She was acting so differently lately, he did not know why and it was bothering him.

She was not ignoring him but it seemed that she was done taking him down.

James was anxious, he was so used to play this game with Lily. If teasing was not working anymore what did he have to win the girl's heart, he had tried everything already...

...

The voice of Dorcas took him out of his thoughts.

« Yes Jamie that would be tragic for you to find sleeping beauty, I am sure that kissing her to awoken her would be such a problem for you. » replied Dorcas sarcastically

Dorcas and James hooked up, once. Dorcas had tried to catch James in her nets during the 5th and 6th year, it had never worked and Dorcas knew because of _whom_.

Lily had understood a long time ago that Dorcas disliked her. If Marlene, Alice or any of the girls weren't around Dorcas was avoiding Lily like the _plague_. As for James, as good teenage boy that he was, he had no idea about Dorcas' feelings towards Lily. He knew that Dorcas was still carrying a torch for him but he couldn't care less about her feelings.

« Yes tragedy, she could like it, imagine the tragedy for her. » replied James with the same tone

« Speaking of tragedy, I have to go too, I am sorry » he announced an hand on his heart

« What's her name. » asked the rest of the Marauders at the same time

« Homeworks, Paddy don't forget about yours. »

Sirius winked, James winked back.

...

Lily came back to their, James and her, common room a bit after 5pm. She was surprised to see that James was here, _alone_ and _working_. He was so concentrated that he did not even noticed her.

« Hey Potter, working hard. » she said nervously

She was trying to be nice. He was making an effort, it would not kill her to try. She was afraid of her feelings but being friendly did not mean falling for him...

« Hi Evans, yes working hard. Dumbledore wants this paper before 6pm tomorrow night. »

As he noticed that she was frowning, he explained her that Dumbledore had asked him and Sirius to write a complete review of _their summer. _And he had asked the boys to do it separately since he wanted to get the point of view of each boy on each student that they had met over the summer.

Lily came closer and sat on the desk. James raised his head, surprised to have Lily Evans so close, _and intentionally. _His blue eyes met her green eyes, he smiled.

However, he, rapidly, noticed that Lily looked very serious. He wondered if he had done anything wrong. It was impossible because he had almost not seen her today.

« Is he on the list. » she asked abruptly

He looked into her eyes before to reply, he knew who was the he.

« Lily, I can't tell you. It is confidential. » he started but she interrupted him

« Is he on the list, did you see him. »

James did not want to lie to her plus this could be a good opportunity for him to make her understand who Snape really was. He nodded and waited for her reply.

« And what. » she snapped

« Figure. » he replied calmly

He did not want Lily to blame him, to become the villain. He could imagine how hard this was for Lily but she needed to accept the reality.

He returned the paper so she could not read his comments about Snape. She tried to take the piece of paper but he got her wrists before her fingers could reach it, his reflexes were too good to do not stop her.

« He is a lost cause Lily, I am sorry. » said James coolly

« I am sure you did not even try. You and Sirius certainly weren't the best persons to talk to him. I am sure you had been horrible with him, making him feel as nothing, waiting for him to kick you out so you could finally get the opportunity to discredit him into Dumbledore's eyes. »

And there she was, yelling at him. She was nervous when James was around and yelling seemed like a good way to get the _anger _out of her body. However, she knew that she was being unfair.

_I am helpless, she thought_

« Free country, believe what you want Evans. He is not the shy and creepy boy's next door that he used to be, he is on his way to a be Death Eaters and he is a very strong fan of Voldemort. Come on Lily, we all know about his passion for the dark arts, don't fool yourself. » replied James haughtily

Why was she always seeing the worst in him when she was so good at seeing the best in others, like Severus Snape who was not a good guy.

They argued for few more minutes before Lily slammed her door still yelling at James.

« I did not choose to pay him a visit Lily, he was on the fucking damn list. I did not write his name on that list, Dumbledore did. » he knew that she could hear him. He knew that she was listening.

For few seconds he believed that she would open the door, hit him with a book or something but nothing happened which meant that she was really upset.

James left the room, he needed a drink since he could not smoke anymore, a glass or two or firewishkey would do the trick.

_This is going to be the worst year of my life, he thought_


	9. Pr Slughorn

Sorry it is a very long chapter. I could not cut it.

but I hope you will like it.

it is the end of the first part. from now on the dynamic will go faster.

xx

...

Sunday 4th of September 1977

After a quiet Sunday studying and enjoying the sun with Alice and Marlene, Lily was waiting for James in _their _common room. James and his friends had disappeared a bit after lunch. Only Merlin knew what they were doing and where they were on Sundays afternoon.

Marlene had protested when Sirius had told her that he could not spend the afternoon with her because Sunday afternoon meant _Marauderness_.

James had told Lily that he would meet her in their common room at 5:40pm so they would not be late for the last HB/HG meeting with Dumbledore and the Prefects of each house.

...

Sat on the red velvet chair, next to the impressive bookcase, Lily was getting nervous.

It was 5:55pm already, they were going to be _late_.

...

Finally, James appeared in front of her, next to the chimney, _literally_ appeared, she opened her mouth but no word came out of it. She was too surprised to speak.

Students were not supposed to use apparition unless it was in apparation's class and it was written in Hogwarts a history, that people could not use apparition in the castle and as far as she knew James Potter was a normal student not Merlin...

She opened her mouth again but James spoke before her.

« Evans, don't. I know, I am breaking the rules and yes, you can apparate inside of the castle but we can discuss that later. Now give me your hand and I promise you that we won't be late. » he said with his sexy smile

« No, no, we can't do it and you had what, one class. Isn't it a bit presumptuous even for _you_ to think that you already control it. » said Lily ignoring James' sexy grin.

One of Lily's _problem _was that James was a really good wizard and he knew it. She was, of course, the best student but he clearly was in the top 5.

Also, she was annoyed because it looked like Dumbledore had, again, given James a power that he did not deserve like when they, Dumbledore and Pr McGonagall, named him Quidditch's captain when he was only 13 years old or when they let him leave last Easter a week before the holidays so he would not miss the tryout of the English National Team.

She saw a smirk on James' face and did not know what to expect.

He was not even dressed up for the meeting, he was wearing a pair of jeans and a blue cashmere sweater, his grey Quidditch jacket wrapped around his waist. He wasn't even wearing his glasses when they were supposed to wear their uniforms.

_But this, probably, is a detail for James Potter, she thought_

« Well there is a chance that we land in the kitchen but I managed quite well over the last 48h and anyway it's this or running late. » he replied carelessly

Lily looked at James and the hand that he was offering her. Reluctantly, she sighed and finally put her hand on his. He interlaced his fingers with Lily's fingers. He wondered if she would hit him but instead of that she blushed. His gesture certainly was not necessary but they were _late, no time for a fight._

« Breathe Evans and close your eyes. »

She did not know if he had said it because he had noticed her red cheeks or because of what using _apparition _meant but she obeyed.

...

She felt that she was going to throw up. She had never apparated before but at least they were on time. It was 5:59pm when they arrived in front of Dumbledore's office, actually in front of Dumbledore himself.

Dumbledore greeted them with a smile.

« Miss Evans, Mr Potter, please come inside. Mr Potter, I can see that you are getting as good as apparition than you are good at breaking the rules. As Head Boy, I gave you the privilege to apparate from and back to your new room in case of emergency however I do not think that this is the case right now. » said the old man calmly

« I am sorry Sir. »

« It is alright, your intention was good, being on time. I wish, I could say the same thing about Mr Mulciber and Miss Dakota Johnson.» sighed Dumbledore who was obviously annoyed by the attitude of the two Slytherins.

...

As they climbed the stairs, James, proudly, smiled at Lily. His smile clearly meant, see no problem. Lily rolled her eyes and finally laughed wondering if James Potter had ever felt ashamed in his life, probably not.

Dumbledore, who was observing them, noticed, he smiled but neither Lily or James realized.

...

When they entered into the headmistress office, Dumbledore put a hand on James' shoulder.

« Mr Potter, I finished to read your paper, very good by the way, very neutral, fair and honest. After the meeting I would like to have a word with you. I have few questions. »

« Of course Sir. » smiled James

_Fair, neutral, honest, James Potter, definitely this is another universe, Lily thought _

Lily wondered if Dumbledore would mention Severus. It was hard for her to imagine that James wrote or visited the students without being influenced by the personal relationship he had with them.

Dumbledore was a very wise man but he had chosen Sirius and James and Lily was not sure why.

She was still thinking about her old friend. Dumbledore had put Severus on the list, did that mean that his faith in Severus was not totally gone _yet. _She had not lost hope yet either but Dumbledore should have known that Severus would never listen to _them_.

Marlene was always telling her that James Potter was not that bad.

_Neither is Severus, she thought_

She did not know how but she would have to find a way to talk to him. She did not want him to apologize, she just needed him to listen to her.

_Everybody deserves a second chance and he can't become Death Eater, I won't let him._

Her fingers were still interlaced with James' fingers, she stared at their hands. She had never given James a chance, she did not really know him. May be she had judged him too fast, as he had done with Severus.

It was easy so fall for James Potter so she had chosen hate instead of _whatever_ even if she had never really hated him because you cannot hate someone you barely know, right?!

Falling for him was forbidden, he would break her heart but it was time to bury the hatchet. She needed to know who he was, she was too curious.  
Was he the arrogant Quidditch captain or the hard worker and brave young man who had accepted to face the danger, ready to fight for his ideals.

_Who are you James Potter_

This was a real question for Lily. She was observing him, he was so closed. James was tall, black hair, piercing blue eyes, always smelling good and he had a radiant smile. He was nice to look at but Lily wanted to know what was behind his athletic figure, his arrogant remarks and his flirty mind. She had taken his letter with her as she did not want Petunia or their mother to read it, it was on her nightstand.

_Maybe I should read it_

They sat in silence next to the Prefects of Ravenclaw, James smiled at Lily and she smiled back.

...

The meeting was getting longer because of the infinite new rules that Dumbledore and the Head of each house had approved to protect the castle and the students.

It was almost 7pm, Lily was hungry and cold. She was so distracted earlier that she had forgotten to take her cloak. James noticed and since he was wearing a sweater, he offered Lily his jacket. Lily looked at the grey jacket. It was one of the piece of the Quidditch equipment with the Gryffindor badge on it.

_Well nobody will know that it is his jacket, _

She took the jacket and automatically felt warmer. James smiled, an arrogant smile, Lily Evans had accepted to wear his jacket. She wanted to punch him but instead she bit her lips.

_Try to be nice, he can't be that bad._

...

When the meeting finished James told Lily that after his tête à tête with Dumbledore, he had to meet Sirius, Remus and Peter who were waiting for him at the Marauders' dorm. He would see her later in the Great Hall or in their room.

« And if I don't see you since we have no patrol tonight see you tomorrow. » he said calmly

She unzipped the jacket and he stopped her, giving her one of his best smiles.

« Please keep it, I don't need it and it is cold. You can let it in the sofa or in the bathroom. » he added gently

She nodded and looked at James walking away. She zipped the jacket and heard Mulciber and Dakota laughing, probably at her but she did not care. She walked away.

...

As she arrived in the Great Hall, she looked for Alice and Marlene. She sat and took some soup. Marlene was starring at her, her muggle magazines were no longer interesting...

« What are you wearing. » asked the beautiful blonde incredulous

Lily blushed, she had almost forgotten about _that_.

« I was cold, James gave me his jacket, well he did not give it to me, I have to return it. » said Lily stumbling

« Lil, we got it. »

Marlene and Alice as usual teased a bit Lily about how and why. Marlene always loved the fact that Lily was so shy about so many things. She always had to worm details out of Lily and it was so funny.

Alice asked how were things going with James, the cohabiting thing. Lily said that it was actually not that bad, except few details she had nothing bad to say _yet._ Emmeline, Elizabeth and Dorcas joined them, they asked the girls what they were talking about.

« Nothing very interesting, Lily was just telling us that living with James was not that bad. » said Alice kindly

Lily confirmed it and noticed the iced look of Dorcas.

« So what you and Jamie are friends now. » asked Dorcas sardonically

« No, I would not say that James and I are friends, we are cordial. » answered Lily coolly

Lily knew that Dorcas was calling James, Jamie, when she was around to make it clear that James and her _were_ intimate friends...

...

Lily was finishing her pudding, she had the feeling that Dorcas was dissecting her. She zipped the jacket to the top as if the jacket could protect her. Dorcas frowned but did not say a word. She looked into Lily's green eyes and then smiled.

And suddenly as if Lily was not even there Dorcas joined the girls's conversation about the new skirts of their uniforms.

Lily finished her pudding in silence. She was listening and wanted to give her opinion but the presence of Dorcas was kind of blocking her. Things between them had never really been easy but Lily had the feeling that it had got worst during the summer, which was stupid because except at the beach party Lily had not seen James.

She wondered if Dorcas could have seen them, last june but even if she did, what was her problem.

« Lil, what do you think, burgundy or the tartan, which skirt. » asked Marlene who could feel Lily's awkwardness.

« I like the tartan, and since it has removable suspenders, it can also work as a dress. » muttered Lily

« See girls the tartan is the best. » affirmed Alice as she also preferred that skirt. The brunette hugged her favorite red hair.

« Yes fashion advice from Lily Evans, since when does she define what is trendy. » mocked Dorcas

Marlene almost jumped on Dorcas. Alice stopped her and added something to bring some peace.

« You know what girls, we should def be happy because we have a cool color, imagine the pain that it is to wear that yellow skirt. » said the small brunette hastily

It worked, all the girls agreed but Lily was not going to accept more assaults tonight. She felt the lamp in her throat, she was about to cry but she could not give that joy to Dorcas.

« Girls, I am going to go upstairs. Remember, lights out at 10pm. »

« Don't worry Lily, we will be in bed at 10pm, waiting for you to tuck the sheets. » replied Dorcas cynically

« James does the tour tonight. » mumbled Lily

« Even better Jamie is much better than you when it comes to sheets. I am sure you understand what I mean right. »

Lily ignored Dorcas'comment and wished them a pleasant evening and left.

...

She was crying when she reached the doors of the Great Hall. As she was the most unlucky person tonight she met the Marauders. They greeted her, James stopped her as he noticed that she was crying. Remus, Peter and Sirius were observing the scene.

James asked her why she was crying. He did not get anything concrete. Lily just kept saying that she was tired.

Remus took James arms and wished Lily a good night.

« Dorcas probably attacked her. » Remus said in a low voice once Lily was far enough from them to do not hear him.

James raised an eyebrow and asked what that meant. Remus explained that Dorcas was not really nice, that she was always hurling barbs at Lily.

And when James asked why, Sirius and Remus laughed.

« I think you know Prongs, Dorcas fancies you so basically Lily is her enemy. » said Sirius

« But that's ridiculous, Lily has never done anything to her. I am going to tell her to stop and tell her to treat Lily with more respect. » said James angrily

« No you won't, it will only make things worst. For someone with such a long list of conquests, you do have no idea about how things work between girls. » said Remus rolling his eyes

« And how do you know so much Moony. » laughed Sirius

« I observe, I simply observe. »

« We do observe too Moony. Believe me, we do.» laughed Sirius which made Remus rolled his eyes again

« Speaking of observing, Prongs how come did you manage to make Lily wears your jacket. A jacket with your number and your name printed on the back. » asked Sirius incredulous

« She was cold, I offered my jacket, she accepted, end of the story. » replied James coolly. He did not want his friends to start gabbling.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other, astonished.

« Well Moony, Wormy may be Prongs has a chance after all. »

...

Later that evening

It was almost 9pm, Lily was done with Godric Gryffindor's biography so she had decided to check with the Prefects if everything was fine even if it was James's turn to do the last patrol at 10pm.

She met the Marauders and her friends in the common room. James said that he did check with the Prefects.

«Everybody is here Evans, all good. »

He noticed that she was still wearing his jacket and it made him so happy.

Marlene asked Lily if she wanted to join them in their dorm for an evening of _quizzes and tests. _She pressed the magazines on her chest with a glorious smile. Marlene loved muggle magazines. Lily declined the invitation and said that she was tired. She did just not want to be around Dorcas.

« Ok, Lil, good night, we will miss you. » said Alice and Marlene at the same time

Lily looked at the girls leaving the room. Marlene was sending her kisses from the stairs.

« Good night. » replied Lily with a smile before to walk away.

For her surprise James was walking just behind her. Sirius was mocking and complaining.

« Oh come on Prongs, we still have that _fire_ _monkey, _we have to take care of it. »

But James said again that he was not coming. He pretended that he had stuff to do before his patrol. His friends looked disappointed but did not insist. They knew that James probably just wanted to spend some time with Lily. After all she was still wearing his jacket...

...

Lily had picked the biography of Salazar Slytherin.

She was sat on the old burgundy sofa, on the left, James was on the right concentrated in his reading. He was wearing his glasses again and he was biting his lips _too _often. She was amazed by the scene and wondered what he was reading. She had never seen him this concentrated.

_So I guees that he does his homework after all._

She read the preface and the resume of the biography of Salazar Slytherin. She closed the book, took one of the pillow and pressed it against her. She was nervous, it was weird to be so close to him, not fighting, not talking.

...

She finally summoned her courage and asked James if he had heard about the Chamber of Secrets, several chapters of the biography were about it and Lily had never really heard of it before. There was few pages about it on Hogwarts a history but it was on the chapter about the legends...

James smiled, happy to chat with the girl of his dreams. He shared what he knew, a chamber created somewhere in the castle, hidding an horrible beast. A beast used to kill Muggle born. He knew that the Chamber had been reopened about 30 years ago, a student had died. Far from that he did not know much. His parents were much older and had graduated years before it did happen.

Lily did not know about the _reopening. _With Voldemort around and Death Eaters among the students who knew, maybe they could find a way to reopen it. The thought gave her goosebumps which made James frowned.

She asked him where he had learnt so much. He looked into her green eyes before to continue.

« My mother, she told me. Her sister was a student at that time. They even thought about closing the castle and sent the students home. »

« Do you know who opened it. » she asked nervously

« Nope but Voldemort was a student when it happened, a Prefect actually so who knows. Story said that he caught the person who opened the Chamber but it doesn't really make sense. Voldemort catching the culprit, _weird isn't it_» said James dubiously

Without breaking the eyes contact, they spoke about Voldemort a bit more, the Death Eaters... Lily asked James if he was scared and his opinion about the _mudbloods. _She knew that James had always defended people like her but she was surprised to see that James did not share any of the ideals about the pure blood when he was a _real_ pure blood.

« Blood doesn't make you a better wizard, look at you. » he said with a smile

She blushed a bit and asked which book he was reading. She did not believe him when he said that it was an advance potions book, an old edition. She took the book in her right hand, she had seen this book before but she could not remember where.

« It is an old version but it is way more complete than our actual edition. » assured James

He then complained about having Potions at 8:30am on Monday.

« So unfair. Pr Slughorn at 8:30am, Merlin. I can't stand him, he is an old, insane gnome. » he grumbled

Lily disagreed and before to realize it, they started to argue. Lily remembered now where she had seen the book, in Pr Slughorn's office. Pr Slughorn liked to use this book, it contained notes and corrections. She accused James of stealing the book to cheat.

« Your Marauders afternoon, that's what you did. » she snapped

He took the book from her hand, staring at her.

« Are you crazy. Why would I steal something from him. And for your information Miss I know everything, this book comes from the library. » he retorted

He did not add that it was from the restricted section though.

« Why did you take Potion if you hate Pr Slughorn so much. Not like you need to be a master in the discipline to go after a stupid flying ball. »

That was a reference at James swaggering for weeks, last year before Easter, after he got a letter from the Ministry of Magic, Sports department, to inform him that the English National Team would love to have him in the team after his graduation.

« Because I want to become an auror, satisfied. I don't want to be a famous Quidditch player when people are dying everyday, when we know that a war is coming. I want to do something, I want to fight. » explained James calmly

_James Potter the brave, you aren't going to win that round_

« Oh for Merlin's beard Potter, are you listening to yourself. I saw you asking Remus to give hours of detention to the Gryffindor's students that weren't coming to the game, myself included so don't play the I don't wanna be a famous player. And who said that you would be famous anyway. You might be the _king_ of this school but out you are _nobody_. Maybe that's why you don't want to join the national team. You are a pussy. »

She instantly regretted her last word. She did not mean it, she tried to get out of the couch but he stopped her using his left arm as a barrier. He was furious. If a look could kill, she would be dead.

« Wow I knew that your opinion of me was extremely low and wrong but Evans if you ever call me a pussy you will regret it. »

They were both furious after that line.

« Oh I am scared. I think you don't like Pr Slughorn because he did not want you in his club. » she said meanly

« Oh yes, restricted club of Pr my Ass Slughorn. Did you ever ask yourself why the man created this club. Because he is crazy and weak and he is a loser who wants to shine. He is so desperately in needs of recognition that he chooses few students to play the caring, amazing devoted Professor, waiting for one those fools to mention him in an interview, book or whatever. »

« This is ridiculous, you are just jealous. » she replied aggressively

She tried to push him away but he was stronger than her. In response, he got even closer.

« Oh ridiculous, no, you are. Correct me if I am wrong but isn't your dear Severus the best student in Potion, a Slytherin, President of the Potion's club, then tell me why Pr Slughorn did not count with Snivellus for his shindigs. » smirked James slyly

James' sentence hit her like an iced wave. She had been asking herself this question for a while...

James noticed and backed off.

« You don't know what to say Evans. No problem, I am going to tell you, because Slughorn smells the loser in Snivellus. Snivellus reminds Slughorn so much of himself, that's why Snivellus is never going to be a member of the club. » he explained insisting on the last words

Lily tried to ignore his last comment and reopened the biography, praying for James to be done.

Of course, she did not believe a single word but James managed to make her doubtful. She has never seen things under that angle. James was waiting for her answer, she did not have any, she was speechless.  
She believed that James would jubilate but instead of that he ran to his room. He came back few seconds later. He was standing in front of her, a pack of letters in his hand. He threw it in her face.

« Pr my Ass Slughorn wants me in his club. You know what is your problem Evans, you always think that I am the worst. I am always, always the one to blame. I am sick and tired of it. I've never done anything to you except chasing you for years because I fell in love with you. »

He left the room and slammed the door letting alone a speechless and astounded Lily.

Few hours before she had thought about who James really was. After this fight, she had the right to think that he was an asshole but that would be wrong. She was done judging him, she was done assuming things.

She read all the letters that Pr Slughorn sent to James. The last one was from friday.

« One chance, I am going to give him one chance, one. » she said looking at the book that James left on the couch.


	10. A night with the Marauders

New chapter.

xx,

...

Friday 9th of September 1977

Marauders dorm, after dinner, 8:30pm

The weather had been horrible during the all week, raining almost everyday. It was grey and cold for the season as was James Potter's mood.

Since their fight on Sunday night, James was avoiding Lily as much as possible, something that was complicated as they shared classes, a room, because his best friend was dating her best friend, because he was HB and she was HG but mostly because he was still deeply in love with Lily Evans no matter which pumpkin he was trying to sell to his friends.

_A pussy really?, he thought still hurt _

This time Lily had really hurt him, even more than when she had slapped him few months ago. He was trying to be a good HB, to be good in general but Lily thought that he was the worst.

He did not know how to talk to her.

...

Earlier that week, on tuesday, during their patrol in the hallways of the castle, he had used the Marauder's map to be sure that no students were out. He had spotted 3 students, 4th year, a Ravenclaw, a Hufflepuff and a Gryffindor out of the castle, near Hagrid's house so he had dragged Lily there using excuses.

The students explained that they wanted to reach the dark forest to see if rumors were true. Rumors about Voldemort and his Death Eaters meeting in the Dark Forest, using the forest as the place for their initiation ceremony.

On their way back to their room, Lily had accused James of having plan this little _mascarade_. She had asked him how he knew that those students were out there if he had nothing to do with their plan.

« Good Flair » he was trying to joke in a desperate intent to calm her down.

He had failed, big time...

She did not believe it and she had directly implied that James had organized this trick to get _flowers _from Dumbledore and McGonagall.

« You just love to be the hero. »

And she slammed her door before he could defend himself.

He thought about telling her about the precious map but Remus and Sirius forbade him to do it.

« Not until we can trust her. It is too dangerous. If she learns about this map, she is quite capable of destroying it. » affirmed Sirius on wednesday after James told them what happened the night before.

...

And there he was, laying on his old bed, which strangely smelt like _vanilla_, on Friday evening, observing the raindrops crashing on the window.

Sirius was throwing Bertie Bott's beans at James, waiting for his friend to catch them but James was not in the mood.

Remus was finishing his arithmancy homework and Peter was reading. Sirius was bored. He threw the last bean at James but this time James caught the bean and threw it back glaring at his _brother_. Sirius rolled his eyes, he stood up from his bed and tried to motivate his friends.

« I am bored. Come on guys, Friday evening, let's go somewhere. » smiled Sirius enthusiastically

James sat on his old bed, readjusted the red and yellow pillows and sighed. Remus barely gave a look at Sirius and Peter simply did not raise his nose from his book.  
Sirius observed his friends in silence, going after James was not a good idea, going after Moony worst, full moon was in few days. As women before to have their periods, Moony was more sensitive few days before the full moon.

_It has to be Peter then, thought Sirius_

Sirius took his wand, whispered Wingardium leviosa, et voila, Peter's book was flying in the air.

...

Peter was desperately trying to get it back but he quickly understood that Sirius was not going to stop until he had obtained what he wanted: the attention of his friends.  
Peter saw the beans on James' old bed and moved from his bed to James' bed to eat the beans.

Sirius had Peter's book in his hands, staring at it as if it was poisoned. He sat on his bed and he smelled the book.

« Padfoot, it is a book, it is not going to eat you. » sighed Remus

James finally smiled and ate few beans. He was not going to let his feelings for a certain girl dragged him down, he was James Potter. He asked to see the book, Sirius smiled.

_Game on, thought Sirius_

« History of Magic, Peter come on seriously why are you doing this to yourself. » asked Sirius happy to have everyone's attention.

Peter looked at the colorful candies in his hand. He played with them. He was thinking about how to answer. He ate the candies, took a deep breath before to speak.

He explained that his mother forbade him to quite this class. Since Peter was not the smartest student of their promotion but was one of the best in History of Magic, his mother believed that he could become a professor.

It was not the most popular discipline which was making it complicated to find good teachers and since Pr Binns was a ghost and the Ministry wanted to replace after him, even if Dumbledore did not want to, Mrs Pettigrew belived that Peter could replace Pr Binns.

Peter finished his speech and looked for more candies. James stopped him.

« Oh come on Peter, you can be whatever you want. You can be Mr History of Magic if you want, of course but if this is not what you want then we will help to reach your goals. » said James who was always trying to cheer his friends up

Peter loved James for that however he replied that he was not like them.

« I am fat and stupid, you three are perfect» said Peter looking at his feet.

« Peter, don't say that we aren't perfect and you aren't fat or stupid. Come on raise your glass, you are a Marauders. » encouraged James who hated when Peter was putting himself down.

Sirius and Remus tried to comfort Peter too but nothing seemed enough to cheer Peter up that night. Desperate Sirius asked him what was going on.

« He gently proposed to Claire and Caroline Lafarge to give them a full tour of the castle and they turned him down. » explained Remus who was pretty sure that this was the reason why Peter was so sad.

« Bitches, forget about those Larfarge. This school is full of hot chicks. » affirmed Sirius

Peter sobbed, James wrapped his arm around Peter's shoulders and told him that he was going to have his tour with the twins.

« How. » asked Peter dubiously

« I am the Head Boy, I will take them and you come with us. » smile James

« Well they won't say no to you but I will be the third wheel. » sighed Peter

Sirius asked Peter which one between Claire and Caroline was his favorite. Peter laid down on the bed, thinking about the twins.

« Claire seemed nicer, she did not laugh when I talked to them. »

« Ok, I will take care of Caroline then, I will distract her so you can chat with Claire, ok. It is going to work.» said James animatedly

Peter finally smiled and thanked his friends.

...

9:15pm

James was planning the details. He insisted about one point though, he did not want Lily to find out. They haf fought too many times already, in just a week. Remus was dubitative, why would Lily be mad.

« Because she is always mad at me. No matter what it is, she is always looking for a fight. We start a conversation, random one and suddenly she accuses me of something and she starts yelling at me. » complained James

Remus was still not convinced that this was the correct explanation. He knew Lily, he had spent time with Lily when they were Prefects. Like Marlene, Remus really started to believe that Lily was jealous everytime she was seeing James with another girl. And he was pretty sure that Lily did not hate James, _quite the contrary actually..._

It was impossible for James or the rest of the students to see it. You could not see it until you got the chance to spend some time with Lily, _alone_. The school year had just started, James was a smart guy, it was a question of weeks, perhaps days before he found out what really meant Lily's attitude.

Remus wondered how James was going to react, _should be funny_.

...

9:45pm

Their precious map was opened on James' old bed, James and Peter were working on the itinerary.

Sirius and Remus were filling the glasses, the bottle of fire _monkey _was almost empty.

« So we are all good. » said James who was feeling a bit better now.

Peter smiled and hugged his friend. Sirius looked at Remus with a smirk which made Remus coughed.

Sirius declared that James should ask the twins to bring their younger sister Camille, 5th year so Remus could join the little group since he had a crush on Camille.

« Padfoot. » yelled Remus

« Oh Moony, that's great. Why did not you tell us anything. » asked Peter

Remus finished his glass and as Peter, Remus confessed his insecurities. He did not believe that a girl could really like _him_. His situation was different from Peter's because girls asked him out but he almost never accepted. However, his friends did not give up until Remus accepted to go with James and Peter.

Sirius proudly raised his glass

« Gentlemen to the Marauders. »

And then an horrible noise disturbed Sirius' toast. It was a remembrall whistling as an old train. It was on Peter's nightstand. Sirius took it and looked at Peter. Sirius was stunned.

« What the hell, why is this shit whistling. It is supposed to turn red that's all. » said Sirius astounded

Confused, Peter looked down. Sirius put the ball under Peter's nose, raising his eyebrows. Peter took the remembrall and explained that Lily gave it to him _today_ after their class of history of Magic.

« Lily as Lily Evans. » asked James incredulous

Peter nodded. Lily gave it to him so he would not forget about their project. Pr Binns had paired his students and assigned each pair to work on a famous wizard.

« We have to work on Salazar Slytherin, Lily said that she has a nice biography of him and I have to meet her tomorrow morning at 9am at the library. »

Sirius smirked and proclaimed that Peter was going to help James. Peter was going to meet Lily and told her how nice, how brave, how marvelous James was...

« Hum Padfoot, I am not so sure. She already hates me. She is smart, if Peter starts talking about me, she is automatically going to think that I asked him to do it and then she will come back to our room and she will murder me »

« Come on Prongs, my idea is amazing and you did not ask, I »

James cut him off.

« No, no and no. Peter please don't mention me. »

Sirius, Remus and Peter fixed their gaze on James. It was now James's turn to open his heart.

« She called me a pussy. » confessed James

« I would have shown her who is the pussy. » said Sirius who had jumped on his feet looking mischievous

« Sirius, you dirty mind. » giggled Peter and he added

« Don't worry James, we will find a way to make her fall for you. »

Sirius suggested many things but most of them would get them in trouble. Sirius had nothing against Lily but he would love to make her taste a bit of her own medicine.

Peter was comforting James, pushing him to date Caroline Lafarge to make Lily jealous.

James dismissed the ideas of his friends.

Finally the solution came from Remus.

« Why don't you try to be her friend. No teasing, no jokes and no Potterness. Around you, Lily is nervous, she thinks that you are planning something, that you are playing with her that's why she bites. » explained Remus calmly

« But I am not planning anything, this is Evans' problem, she thinks that life is a game for me. It is not and my feelings for her are real. » groaned James

« Thanks Merlin you said you were over her. » pointed out Sirius, Remus hit Sirius with a pillow.

« Well James she doesn't know that. Be friendly and forget about the rest, at least for now. »

«Moony, I don't want to be her friend, I am not Snivellus. » grumbled James

James had already mentioned on the train that he did not want to be Lily's friend.

« Oh Snivellus, James this is another problem. Lily is still hurt and everytime you open your mouth to put him down, you are not helping Lily to feel better. She feels worst, opposite effect. »

Sirius had to interrupt Remus.

« I am sorry Moony but this doesn't make sense, Evans is just a total bitch, worst she is a psychopath shrew. I know girls are complicated, I am dating Marlene McKinnon so I can say that girls are crazy but please this doesn't make sense. »

« It does make sense, Padfoot. I know Lily better than you. She is not super confident that's why she works so hard. She doesn't have many friends. Alice and Marlene are her friends but the rest of the girls are friends of Marlene and Alice, not friends of Lily. » Remus insisted on the last words

Sirius was rolling his eyes but James was paying attention and asked Remus to continue.

« Dorcas is always gossiping about Lily, Emmeline and Elizabeth are following every move of Dorcas, like they are _brainless_. Lily's sister calls Lily monster, freak and monstrosity. Snape _dumped_ her for Mulciber and Rosier. »

« Were they _dating_. » asked James horrified

« No of course not, you would have known. But he was her best friend. They met when they were 9. Lily is scared of people like you James. She can't have her heart broken one more time»

«People like James, Moony come on you are a Marauder too and you are her friend. James do not listen. » barked Sirius

« Sirius, Lily and I are friends because we have a lot in common. Lack of confidence, a dead father, we do study and we like it. And yes we are friends with the most popular students so it is easier for me to think like her and I can tell that she doesn't hate you James. She is scared. »

Sirius felt offended, he refuted Moony's argument.

James and Peter had to interrupt Sirius and Remus who were arguing as two old ladies at the market about the price of the lettuce.

They finished their glasses, it was getting late but Remus wasn't done yet. Due to the uninhibiting effect of alcohol, Remus was more chatty, he even said that he believed that Lily was in fact _in love _with James.

« And you definitely had too much fire _monkey, _Moony, you should go to bed. » replied James

« But James, try to be her friend, ok. » insisted Remus

James promised that he was going to try. He looked at the clock, 10:20pm. He sighed, he did not want to leave his friends. He did not want to spend another night alone in his room with Lily just few meters away. He could stay here, sleep in his underwear, in his old bed. The bed was ready with sheets, blankets and pillows.

He started to unbutton his shirt, his friends were starring at him. James told them that this was not a striptease. He was expecting them to laugh but instead of that Sirius asked him if he was planning to stay, as if this idea was a bad thing.

« Well why not Padfoot. » asked James oddly, he was disconcerted by his friends' attitude.

« Do you miss the _concierto _of Moony and Wormy. Come on Prongs don't be a fool, you have your own room now, you are the HB, you have privileges»

James frowned and asked Sirius if he was trying to kick him out of the room and why. Sirius looked at Remus and Peter for help but before they say anything James was questioning them.

« What's going on here. Why is the bed ready to sleep in and why does the pillows smell like vanilla. »

Remus and Peter looked at their feet, Sirius had no other choice than telling the truth.

« Alice is sleeping in your bed. She is probably about to arrive actually. She is waiting for Lily to finish her patrol. »

« Alice, oh no wait, really Padfoot. »

No need to add more, James had understood _everything_. Alice sleeping with Remus and Peter meant that Sirius could sleep with Marlene. The lovers could be alone. James lectured Sirius. It was forbidden. James was not a Saint, he had used the Prefects' bathroom, the Quidditch locker room and he did visit some beds but he had never spent a night out of his bed. This was _too_ _much_.

Peter and Remus were confused, they had never seen James like that.

« You sound like Evans. »

« Sirius, you can't spend the night with your girlfriend, you could get expelled. »

« I can't unless you my friend or Lily, but she is Marlene's best friend, informed McGonagall. »

_Trapped, thought James_

« I am sure Lily doesn't know about this. » replied James as he was trying to win this battle.

Sirius replied that it did not change anything as James, Lily would not say a word. James was worried, what about Dorcas or Emmeline, those magpies could spread the rumor and they could all get expelled.

« Relax James, nobody will find out. Plus, we have the map, the map never lies and we know that I am not the only one sleeping with my girlfriend. If someone try to blackmail us, we fuck them up, we always win. Don't play the wimp Prongs. »

« Padfoot does have a point. » added Remus

James finished his glass, he looked at his friends. Lily was going to kill him for tolerating that _circus. _Of course, she would never do anything against her best friend but when she would find out James knew that she was going to kill him.

« Padfoot, please not every night. »

« A free week per month and the new moon. » replied Sirius with a smirk

But James was serious, Sirius sighed and finally capitulated. Satisfied James said that he was ok to let Marlene and Sirius having his bed a couple of nights per week. It was better that way or _maybe not_

...

Alice knocked at the door, she was surprised to find James in the room. She told him to hurry up as Lily was about to finish her patrol and as she had to use the stairs to get back to _their_ room, she would catch him.

« And what, she will give him hours of detention. » mocked Sirius

« I am just saying. I don't want her to find out about _this._ »

Alice did not like to lie to Lily, her best friend with Marlene.

James nodded and wished them a good night. Sirius grabbed his jacket, walking behind James.

« Good night guys, don't do anything bad. » said Sirius before to close the door.

James did not even bother to rebutton his shirt or to put his shoes on. Sirius closed the door, a smile on his face already thinking about his girlfriend, he shared some thoughts. James rolled his eyes and both laughed.

...

A foot on the next step, James and Sirius froze, _someone_ was coming. Sirius grabbed James's arm, a desperate look on his face. _Too late_

« Black, Potter, what are you doing here. It is 10:40pm. You smell like a distillery.» said Lily opening her nostrils widely

Her eyes on James' visible chest, she tried to look at something else but she could not, it looked _soft and strong._ James barely noticed, he was too busy looking for an excuse, Sirius paid more attention and smirked.

«Nothing, I was just helping James to reach your room. We just had a bit of fun, you should try. »

As Lily started to lecture them, they heard giggling, probably Remus, Peter and Alice laughing behind the door. Lily frowned and asked what was going on. She asked James why he was not wearing his shoes and why his shirt was opened and of course if he was drunk.

« He lost at poker, striptease it was. » affirmed Sirius weighing up at Lily

James glared at his best friend and sweared that he was not drunk.

« Then why do you need an escort. » asked Lily conviced that they were trying to make fun of her _as usual_

Sirius laughed.

« Did not know that you could be that funny Evans. Next time join us, please be our guest. »

She declined the invitation and reminded them that drinking was forbidden.  
Sirius was still holding James's arm, as if James needed help to stand up but Lily was pretty sure that James wasn't drunk. She believed that they were just planning something and she knew how to stop them.

She took James's right arm and stared at both. James felt like a doll that two sisters were about to fight for. It could have been funny, _could have_

« Sirius thanks for being so kind but it is past curfew, go to bed, I will take care of James. »

With her free hand she tried to reach the handle of the Marauders' door. Sirius had to release James to beat her since his other arm was still _useless_. Sirius and Lily were defiantly staring at each other. James wanted to end this, _he _did not want to pay for the _damages._

« Well good night Padfoot, Evans, shall we. I am kind of tired. »

Sirius got the message.

« Good night Prongs, Evans if you wanted to have him for yourself you just had to say it. »

« Shut up Black and get inside. » snapped Lily

She did not want to reply like this but she was nervous when James Potter was around when he was fully dressed so when he was not...

She did wait for Sirius to get in his room before to drag James away. Her hand firmly wrapped around his arm. His skin was warm and the mix of his perfume and the alcohol scent was heady. He was walking just behind her, her hair was up in a bun and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck.

She was so distracted that she almost fell in the stairs. James caught her waist. Red as a tomato she mumbled a thanks.

...

She did not release his arm before they reached their room. James did not say a word, not even when she _almost_ fell, he wanted to avoid another fight.

He walked straight to his room and of course she opened her mouth before he could close his door. He bit his lips a bit too hard.

« Well good night Potter. »

She was disappointed, for a moment she had believed that he was going to say something, _anything. _He was acting as if she was nobody and she disliked that. He had been avoiding her since their fight on sunday evening, she knew it.

And it was her fault. She did not want things to be like that between them. She had promised herself to get to know him better but how could she do that if he was not even talking to her.

She sat on the burgundy sofa and looked into his blue eyes.

« I am sorry James. »

Surprised to hear _James_ instead of Potter, he asked what she was sorry for.

« For what I said on sunday and for accusing you on tuesday. You aren't a pussy but you excelled in bringing the worst out of me and it is not what I want. » she said angrily

That was a confession. Remus was drunk that was for sure because after that line James was 100% sure that Lily hated him. At that point he wondered if they could ever become friends.

He observed her, her green eyes, her raspberry lips, her red hair and her pale skin. He wanted to jump on her, _literally_ and to show her that he was definitely not a pussy, as Sirius had suggested earlier but that was never going to happen.

If he had not been so focused on his thoughts, he would have noticed that Lily's cheeks were red, that she was staring at his opened shirt and that she was looking for her words and that her fingers were nervously playing with the fold of her skirt.

«Euh, ok. I am sorry you feel like that. Have a good night. » and he closed his door.

...

Lily cried for hours in her bed. She did not even know why. Maybe because when James caught her waist in the stairs she thought that he would kiss her and he did not.


End file.
